What do you give a kid with no hands for Christmas?

Doesnt matter, he'll never unwrap the gift

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Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

When punching a toddler, how hard is too hard?

Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother.

What do you call a kid with one arm and three legs?

Unfortunate.

Christmas Jokes More Christmas Jokes

What did the children with no arms and legs get for Christmas?

Cancer

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?

Jungle Bells Jungle bells..!

Gift Jokes More Gift Jokes

What do gifted bakers take in high school?

AP Flour

What's the gift that keeps on giving?

AIDS

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?

The Army.

Why did the Arabic man ask for her hand in marriage?

Because she stole his heart

Matter Jokes More Matter Jokes

How many "friend zone" guys does it take to put in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter how many. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw. Edit: Credits to Drougen for making it better.

How many cynics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Doesn't matter. Lightbulb is going to die anyway.

Unwrap Jokes More Unwrap Jokes

What do you get if you cross a vampire and a mummy?

Something you wouldn't want to unwrap!

Why do Mexicans make burritos?

So they can unwrap something for Christmas!