Gift Jokes

Why doesn't Santa give gifts to naughty kids?

Because it'd Krampus style.

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What did the bald man say when he got a comb as a gift?

I'll never part with this!

What is the best gift you can give your girlfriend for your anniversary?

Nothing. It's a gift she will always remember. Edit: Wording clarified (Thanks to therinnovator).

Why are Pentacostals so good at kissing?

They have the gift of tongues...

How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult?

It's like, oh you gave birth to me Please enjoy this fancy candle.

Where'd you buy my gift?

Me: Bed Bath & Beyond Wife: You used a coupon right Me: Coupon *wife faints*

Why are gifts in airports so expensive?

God's punishing you for waiting until the flight home to buy your wife a gift.

Whats the point of calling it "secret Santa"?

Everyone knows that the person who gave you the gift is Santa.

What do gifted bakers take in high school?

AP Flour

Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car?

Because she'd never be able to learn the language

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Earth Jokes More Earth Jokes

Why do space rocks taste better than Earth rocks?

They're Meteor!

Why did the Earth suddenly enter a manic episode then go back to a depressive episode?

Because it's bipolar.

Undertaker Jokes More Undertaker Jokes

What is the similarity between a cough syrup and an undertaker?

They both take away the coffin.

What do you get an undertaker for a wedding gift?

His and Hearse towels

Follower Jokes More Follower Jokes

Why did voldermort used Twitter instead of Facebook?

Because he only had followers. Not friends.

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?

A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.

How much money do terrible movies make?

Ridley Scott.

Drone Jokes More Drone Jokes

What is the difference between a terrorist hideout and a school?

How should I know? I just fly the drones.

Whats the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?

I don't know I just fly the drone.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What is the past tense of 'think'?

So I thought and thought and thought and eventually I picked 'thinked'.

What's a pirate's favourite Roman numeral?

You might think it's II, but his true love be the C.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

What happened to the gun that kept randomly shooting?

He got fired.

How did Pinocchio realize he was made of wood?

His hand caught on fire.

Word Jokes More Word Jokes

Whats a word that white people can call white people but black people cannot call black people?

Dad.

What is a punny play?

A play on words.