Gift Jokes

What should you not gift a Syrian this year?

A drone

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What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

I don't know. He still hasn't opened his gifts.

Why doesn't Santa give gifts to naughty kids?

Because it'd Krampus style.

What did the bald man say when he got a comb as a gift?

I'll never part with this!

What is the best gift you can give your girlfriend for your anniversary?

Nothing. It's a gift she will always remember. Edit: Wording clarified (Thanks to therinnovator).

What does a gift and a black man have in common?

White children get immense joy after tearing one open

Why are Pentacostals so good at kissing?

They have the gift of tongues...

What's the gift that keeps on giving?

AIDS

Where do black parents get gifts for their children?

At Toys We Is

What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?

Well, I don't know" she answers shyly. "OK, that I give you another year to think about it..."

Where were u on the night of the 3rd?

Stabbing a homeless man. "Louder for the tape " Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift.

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What gift do you want?

HUSBAND: "An English girl." After a month, wife returns.. HUSBAND: "Where is my gift " WIFE: "Wait for nine months!"

How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult?

It's like, oh you gave birth to me Please enjoy this fancy candle.

Where'd you buy my gift?

Me: Bed Bath & Beyond Wife: You used a coupon right Me: Coupon *wife faints*

Why are gifts in airports so expensive?

God's punishing you for waiting until the flight home to buy your wife a gift.

Whats the point of calling it "secret Santa"?

Everyone knows that the person who gave you the gift is Santa.

What do gifted bakers take in high school?

AP Flour

Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car?

Because she'd never be able to learn the language

What does Brown Santa say?

Gifts only for little girls with A's, B's and C's because the other ones already have the D's.

What do you give a kid with no hands for Christmas?

Doesnt matter, he'll never unwrap the gift

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What did the ISIS leader gift to all his followers?

The Samsung Note 7

What is ISIS's favorite smartphone?

Samsung Note 7, according to them it's "the bomb" nowadays.

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What do you call a woman who throws letters in the fire?

Bernadette

What do you call a line of diamonds on fire?

Hotline Bling.

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What do you get an undertaker for a wedding gift?

His and Hearse towels

What do you call a repair shop that specializes in hearses?

A rehearsal.

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What do the wage gap and the story of Hercules have in common?

They're both myths.

How good are you with Microsoft PowerPoint?

I Excel at it." "Did you just make a Microsoft Office pun, sir " "Word." Edit: thanks u/SteveJobsiGhost

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What happened to Frankenstein's monster on the road?

He was stopped for speeding fined $50 and dismantled for six months.

What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?

February 14th.

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What's with the knives?

Wait, stop. Please stop!" - pumpkin

How do you catch a whale?

You wait until last call and use a good pick up line.

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What's the difference between mathematicians and Syrian refugees?

Mathematicians don't struggle with integration.

What do you get when you let 25,000 Syrian refugees into Canada during the winter?

Isisicles

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What's the best thing about an 8 year old in the shower?

You can slick her hair back and make her look 6.

How awful do I look?

Him: You always look beautiful. Me: Do I need to put makeup on Him: Maybe just a... *stare* Him: No.