It's like, oh you gave birth to me Please enjoy this fancy candle.
Mom: Just waking you up for school, dog, what's up wit u Dad (from hallway): OWNED
They both died on Thanksgiving
HUSBAND: "An English girl." After a month, wife returns.. HUSBAND: "Where is my gift " WIFE: "Wait for nine months!"
Me: Bed Bath & Beyond Wife: You used a coupon right Me: Coupon *wife faints*
The Catcher in the Rye and Cooking For Dummies.
They've always enjoyed rounding up Japanese monsters.
She buys a new car.
To cover up his bald spot.
Because the sign at the park said "Fine for Littering"
She gives birth to a son.
4: A ninja.
The dishes if she knows what's good for her!
Just because I'm an adult now doesn't mean I don't still need to grind on people to Lil' Jon songs.
And I said, ' When you hear your favorite Justin Bieber song playing in an elevator'
