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Birth Jokes

What do you call the birth of a lie?

Myth-conception

Love

Love

What do you call a cow who just gave birth?

Decalfeinated

What is it called when someone gives birth to a 40 year old man?

A midwife crisis

How does a mermaid give birth?

By sea-section!

What do you call a sheep giving birth in a bedroom?

Bedlam

How can you tell that your dog just gave birth?

It is now a parent.

What do you call a veal-birthing cow?

De-calf

How does a woman go about inventing a lightbulb?

She gives birth to a son.

What do you call a cow that has given birth?

Decalfinated.

What's the difference between 9/11 and your birth?

One was planned.

What day do most mothers give birth?

Labor Day.

Birthday State of Mind

Birthday State of Mind

How does a woman go about inventing something?

She gives birth to a boy.

How do mermaids give birth?

Via Sea-Section

What is your date of birth?

Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year " Witness: "Every year."

What does a goat have when it gives birth?

A kid.

What is the height of honesty?

A pregnant lady takes one and a half ticket in the bus Q: What is the height of dishonesty A: She gives birth to twins

How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult?

It's like, oh you gave birth to me Please enjoy this fancy candle.

Why were the 5 gorgeous young blonde Danish fashion models sobbing their eyes out?

I told them I wasn't going to give birth to them.

Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?

She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.

Why did the cat give birth at the park?

Because the sign at the park said "Fine for Littering"

How do you explain a man birthing a baby?

Taco Bell for lunch

$Your Age Is Only Math$

Your Age Is Only Math

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Birth Defect Jokes More Birth Defect Jokes

What's the name of the Pokemon that causes birth defects?

Zikachu

Why do geologists have children with birth defects?

Because they practice relative dating!

Hospital Jokes More Hospital Jokes

What kind of fish can you find in a hospital?

A sturgeon.

What's worse than being uncomfortable at the hospital?

Being made comfortable.

Mermaid Jokes More Mermaid Jokes

What lives in the sea and preys on mermaids?

Jack The Kipper.

How do mermaids give birth?

Via Sea-Section

Bedroom Jokes More Bedroom Jokes

Why do they say I'm black in the bedroom?

I'm fast.

What do you call a sheep giving birth in a bedroom?

Bedlam

Term Jokes More Term Jokes

What did the pirate say when he turned 81?

Nothing, as he didn't exist. The probability of anyone in that demographic reaching their eighties is particularly low, and an active pirate being eighty one years of age is further rendered a statistical impossibility given that a pirate would need to be above a certain threshold in terms of physical ability.

What's another term for a prodigal farmer?

Someone who is outstanding in his field.

Apology Jokes More Apology Jokes

Why did Willow Smith whip her hair?

Because it has been very knotty. Apologies in advance

What is a Canadian's favorite Nirvana song?

All Apologies

Sea Section Jokes More Sea Section Jokes

How do mermaids give birth?

Via Sea-Section

How are one out of three American Boats born?

By Sea-Section.

Parent Jokes More Parent Jokes

How many kidnapped children does it take to change a lightbulb?

The parents would love to know.

Where did the apple go when it's parents died?

To a Bananas foster home.