Birth Jokes

What do you call the birth of a lie?

Myth-conception

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What do you call a cow who just gave birth?

Decalfeinated

What is it called when someone gives birth to a 40 year old man?

A midwife crisis

How does a mermaid give birth?

By sea-section!

What do you call a sheep giving birth in a bedroom?

Bedlam

How can you tell that your dog just gave birth?

It is now a parent.

What do you call a veal-birthing cow?

De-calf

What do you call a cow that has given birth?

Decalfinated.

What day do most mothers give birth?

Labor Day.

How do mermaids give birth?

Via Sea-Section

What is your date of birth?

Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year " Witness: "Every year."

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What does a goat have when it gives birth?

A kid.

How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult?

It's like, oh you gave birth to me Please enjoy this fancy candle.

Why were the 5 gorgeous young blonde Danish fashion models sobbing their eyes out?

I told them I wasn't going to give birth to them.

Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?

She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.

Why did the cat give birth at the park?

Because the sign at the park said "Fine for Littering"

How do you explain a man birthing a baby?

Taco Bell for lunch

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Dunno Jokes More Dunno Jokes

How do you keep redditors in suspense?

I dunno, I'll tell ya tomorrow

What did Drake Bell say to Batman?

Sorry, still calling you Bruce! I found this on Facebook somewhere; I dunno who to get credit to.

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

How can you tell if Asians have broken into your house?

The dog is gone, the homework is done, and they're still trying to get out of the driveway.

Why are dogs and engineers alike?

They both have intelligent eyes, but neither can talk properly.

Water Birth Jokes More Water Birth Jokes

What's the term for when the pool breaks during water birth?

A midwife crisis.

What does a black women do after having a water birth?

Flush the toilet.

Milk Jokes More Milk Jokes

What did the bottle of milk say to the Mexican?

Soy milk.

Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?

The cow has the udder.

Term Jokes More Term Jokes

What's the biggest lie of the Universe?

I Have Read and Agree to the Terms of Service.

What's another term for a prodigal farmer?

Someone who is outstanding in his field.

Sea Section Jokes More Sea Section Jokes

How does a mermaid give birth?

By sea-section!

How do mermaids have babies?

Sea-sections

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

I don't know. It kept breaking my guitar strings so I gave up.

Why did the Vampire's girlfriend break up with him?

Because he was pain in the neck!

Apology Jokes More Apology Jokes

What is the term for a group of Canadians?

Is it "an apology" "Oh look, there goes an apology of Canadians"

What do you call an apology written using dots and dashes?

Re-morse code