Birth Jokes

What do you call the birth of a lie?

Myth-conception

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What do you call a cow who just gave birth?

Decalfeinated

What is it called when someone gives birth to a 40 year old man?

A midwife crisis

How does a mermaid give birth?

By sea-section!

What do you call a sheep giving birth in a bedroom?

Bedlam

How can you tell that your dog just gave birth?

It is now a parent.

What do you call a veal-birthing cow?

De-calf

What do you call a cow that has given birth?

Decalfinated.

What day do most mothers give birth?

Labor Day.

How do mermaids give birth?

Via Sea-Section

What is your date of birth?

Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year " Witness: "Every year."

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What does a goat have when it gives birth?

A kid.

How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult?

It's like, oh you gave birth to me Please enjoy this fancy candle.

Why were the 5 gorgeous young blonde Danish fashion models sobbing their eyes out?

I told them I wasn't going to give birth to them.

Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?

She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.

Why did the cat give birth at the park?

Because the sign at the park said "Fine for Littering"

How do you explain a man birthing a baby?

Taco Bell for lunch

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Lack Toe Jokes More Lack Toe Jokes

Why couldn't the infant insect without toes drink milk?

He was lack toes and toddler ant

What do you call a man with no feet and is allergic to milk?

Lack-toes intolerant

Bedroom Jokes More Bedroom Jokes

Why can't women ski?

There's no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom.

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the evening and 6 legs at night?

I've trapped it in my bedroom, send help...

Mermaid Jokes More Mermaid Jokes

Why should you never dogfight mermaids?

They're masters in Arielle combat

How do mermaids give birth?

Via Sea-Section

Engineer Jokes More Engineer Jokes

How many engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw in the bulb and another to talk about how complicated it was.

Why do engineering majors refer to themselves "engineers"?

You don't see literature majors calling themselves Starbucks baristas

Term Jokes More Term Jokes

What's another term for a prodigal farmer?

Someone who is outstanding in his field.

Why is K-9 another term for a dog?

Because if it was a cat, it would be a K-10.

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

What is a Mexican's favorite Queen song?

I Juan to break free

Why did 6 break up with 7?

Because 7 ate 9 out

Election Jokes More Election Jokes

What do you call someone who lost an election by 2 million votes?

Mr. President.

What's the biggest lie of the election?

Voting machines aren't hackable.

Birth Control Jokes More Birth Control Jokes

What do you call people who teach their kids to use abstinence as birth control?

Grandparents.

What does an accountant use for birth control?

His personality.