Birth Jokes

What do you call the birth of a lie?

Myth-conception

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What do you call a cow who just gave birth?

Decalfeinated

What is it called when someone gives birth to a 40 year old man?

A midwife crisis

How does a mermaid give birth?

By sea-section!

What do you call a sheep giving birth in a bedroom?

Bedlam

How can you tell that your dog just gave birth?

It is now a parent.

What do you call a veal-birthing cow?

De-calf

Why didn't the mother splinter call her son on his birth-day?

Because he's a little prick!

How does a woman go about inventing a lightbulb?

She gives birth to a son.

What do you call a cow that has given birth?

Decalfinated.

What's the difference between 9/11 and your birth?

One was planned.

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What day do most mothers give birth?

Labor day.

How does a woman go about inventing something?

She gives birth to a boy.

How do mermaids give birth?

Via Sea-Section

What is your date of birth?

Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year " Witness: "Every year."

What does a goat have when it gives birth?

A kid.

What is the height of honesty?

A pregnant lady takes one and a half ticket in the bus Q: What is the height of dishonesty A: She gives birth to twins

How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult?

It's like, oh you gave birth to me Please enjoy this fancy candle.

Why were the 5 gorgeous young blonde Danish fashion models sobbing their eyes out?

I told them I wasn't going to give birth to them.

Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?

She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.

Why did the cat give birth at the park?

Because the sign at the park said "Fine for Littering"

What hurts more giving birth or being kicked in the balls?

A women will normally want more children after a year or two. No man has ever wanted another kick in the balls. Case closed.

How do you explain a man birthing a baby?

Taco bell for lunch

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Milk Jokes More Milk Jokes

What do you milk you can't see?

Pasteurized milk.

Why cant people with no feet drink milk?

Because they are lack toes intolorent.

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

What kind of cats lay around the house?

Car-pets!

Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?

Because she kept sitting on pinocchio's face moaning, "lie to me!"

Election Jokes More Election Jokes

What do you call an election in Syria?

A civil war

What do Polish arctic researchers do at elections?

They have a polar pole poll.

Japan Jokes More Japan Jokes

What did Japan say when it heard the US had an atomic bomb?

Did you make that Fermi?

Why does Japan have a high life expectancy?

It is full of anti - occidents

Cow Jokes More Cow Jokes

Why did the cow jump over the moon?

Because the farmer had cold hands

What has four legs and goes 'Boo'?

A cow with a cold.

Dunno Jokes More Dunno Jokes

How many Chinese workers does it take to make a Smartphone?

I dunno. Ask the kids.

Where's all the microscope oil and acetic acid?

Me: (with a mouthful of salad topped with vinaigrette) I dunno.

Sea Section Jokes More Sea Section Jokes

How does a mermaid give birth?

By sea-section!

What is an obstetrician's favorite part of the ocean?

It's the sea section.

Decide Jokes More Decide Jokes

Why did Mr. Steaks decide he would take his wife's surname?

Because he didn't want his daughters to be called Ms. Steaks.

Why did Burger King decide to partner with Dairy Queen instead of McDonalds?

Because she unwrapped his Whopper. I'm so sorry!!!