Birth Jokes

What do you call the birth of a lie?

Myth-conception

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What do you call a cow who just gave birth?

Decalfeinated

What is it called when someone gives birth to a 40 year old man?

A midwife crisis

How does a mermaid give birth?

By sea-section!

What do you call a sheep giving birth in a bedroom?

Bedlam

How can you tell that your dog just gave birth?

It is now a parent.

What do you call a veal-birthing cow?

De-calf

What do you call a cow that has given birth?

Decalfinated.

What day do most mothers give birth?

Labor Day.

How do mermaids give birth?

Via Sea-Section

What is your date of birth?

Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year " Witness: "Every year."

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What does a goat have when it gives birth?

A kid.

How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult?

It's like, oh you gave birth to me Please enjoy this fancy candle.

Why were the 5 gorgeous young blonde Danish fashion models sobbing their eyes out?

I told them I wasn't going to give birth to them.

Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?

She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.

Why did the cat give birth at the park?

Because the sign at the park said "Fine for Littering"

How do you explain a man birthing a baby?

Taco Bell for lunch

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Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

Why can't a guy see his friends?

Because he's married.

What do you call a guy with a toe growing out of his knee?

Tony.

Birth Control Jokes More Birth Control Jokes

What does an IT guys use for birth control?

His personality.

What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?

A trip without kids.

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

Because he needed his space.

Why did the two most senior nuns in the convent break up a German terror plot to steal millions in bearer bonds?

Old habits die hard

Rent Jokes More Rent Jokes

What did the inn keeper say to the Big Dipper when he asked if he could rent a room?

Sorry this is only a four star hotel.

Why should you always rent, rather than buy, a multimeter that measures ohms?

Because it's easier to follow the path of leased resistance.

Term Jokes More Term Jokes

What's the term for when the pool breaks during water birth?

A midwife crisis.

Why is K-9 another term for a dog?

Because if it was a cat, it would be a K-10.

Cow Jokes More Cow Jokes

What did the scientists say when they found bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

Why don't cows ever have any money?

Because the farmers milk them dry!

Midwife Crisis Jokes More Midwife Crisis Jokes

What's the term for when the pool breaks during water birth?

A midwife crisis.

What do you call it when your water breaks and you can't get ahold of the midwife?

A midwife crisis.

Decide Jokes More Decide Jokes

Why did it take the computer so long to decide whether it wanted to buy an Egyptian cotton sheet?

Because it had too many threads.

Why did the architect take so long to get started on his church blueprints?

He couldn't decide what font to use.