What was the first thing Abraham Lincoln told his friends when they asked him how he got an STD?

Four whore and seven beers ago....

This joke may have profanity.
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Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

Whats the last thing you give a tickle me elmo before it leaves the factory?

Two test-tickles.

Why do men stare at a woman's breasts?

To prove they can focus on two things at once.

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Why is it that arms tell the funniest jokes?

Because they are humerus

I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.

They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

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What did the rapper ask the pet sitter when he got back from vacation?

Where my dogs at?

What did Ernie say to Bert when he asked for ice cream?

Sure, Bert!

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

What does an excited karate pupil say to his friend when greeting him?

HIYAH!

Why didn't Princess Diana have very many friends on Xbox Live?

All she does is stay on the dashboard.

Std Jokes More Std Jokes

What do you call an std that only reptiles can get?

Gatoraids.

What's in an STD salad?

Green pees

Abraham Lincoln Jokes More Abraham Lincoln Jokes

Which US president is most responsible for unemployment in the US today?

Abraham Lincoln.

What would a depressed Abraham Lincoln do?

Slit the writ of habeas corpus.