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What would Joan Rivers be doing if she was alive right now?

Scratching at the inside of her coffin. Courtesy of my dad.

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Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

What do you say when you catch a deer with no eyes?

I have no-eye-deer! (Unless you're a dad, you may need to sound it out)

What will you have sir?

Bear: "Gin............ and tonic." Bartender: "Why the big pause " Bear: "I dont know my dad had them too."

Scratch Jokes More Scratch Jokes

What do you call the loser in a hissing scratching cat fight?

Claude

How do you build a flea circus?

You have to start from scratch.

Inside Jokes More Inside Jokes

What is the difference between the substance inside a fire hydrant and the substance on the outside of it?

H20 is on the inside, and K9P is on the outside.

What is dark and hairy on the outside, soft and moist on the inside, starts with a C, ends with a T, and has a U and an N in it?

A coconut

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

How can you tell a vampire has a cold?

They start coffin.

How can you tell when a vampire is sick?

By his coffin!

Courtesy Jokes More Courtesy Jokes

How do you know a homeless woman is menstruating?

If she's only wearing one sock. (This joke brought to you courtesy the homeless guy outside my local 7-11.) Edit: tweaked the punchline.

Why does everyone hate Will?

Courtesy of my Uncle Rick

Joan Rivers Jokes More Joan Rivers Jokes

What would Joan Rivers be doing if she was alive right now?

Scratching at the inside of her coffin. Courtesy of my dad.

What did Joan Rivers say to God when she arrived?

Get a new robe!