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What would Joan Rivers be doing if she was alive right now?

Scratching at the inside of her coffin. Courtesy of my dad.

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Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

What's the similarity between Santa Claus and your doorbell ringing at 3am?

It's your dad.

What is it son?

Son: Boys are gathering into our yard! Dad: ...How many boys Son: All of them... Dad: MY MILKSHAKES!

Scratch Jokes More Scratch Jokes

What do you call the loser in a hissing scratching cat fight?

Claude

Why can't DJs play pool?

They always scratch.

Inside Jokes More Inside Jokes

What is dark and hairy on the outside, soft and moist on the inside, starts with a C, ends with a T, and has a U and an N in it?

A coconut

What's yellow on the outside and grey on the inside?

An elephant disguised as a banana!

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What do a coffin and a condom have in common?

They're both filled with stiffs one's coming one's going.

What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

Courtesy Jokes More Courtesy Jokes

Why is it so hard to play cards in the jungle?

There are too many cheetahs. Courtesy of the St. Louis Zoo Facebook page.

How many existentialists does it take to change a light-bulb?

Two, one to change the light-bulb, and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness. This is courtesy of Spencer Reid.(CM)

Joan Rivers Jokes More Joan Rivers Jokes

What did Joan Rivers say to God when she arrived?

Get a new robe!

What would Joan Rivers be doing if she was alive right now?

Scratching at the inside of her coffin. Courtesy of my dad.