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Ellen Jokes

Where did the coffee bean find his soul mate?

Grinder (Thanks, Ellen)

I Love Pizza & You

I Love Pizza & You

What is Ellen's favourite food?

Kung-Pao Chicken.

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Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

How old?

Woman: "Thanks, she's 34 weeks. Do you have the time " Me: "Sure, it's 972 minutes past midnight."

Wheres the dinosaur bone exhibit?

Through that door" Thank you very ruff! "What'd you say " *2 dogs fall out of trench coat & run*

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many US Congress members does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one. They just hold it still and wait for the world to revolve around them.

How many bronze players do you need to change a lightbulb?

None. They can't climb the ladder.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a paycheck and a D**k?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

Country Jokes More Country Jokes

Which country has many spaces to put your car in?

Park-istan!

What country has many sugar?

Sweetzerland

Ellen Degeneres Jokes More Ellen Degeneres Jokes

How does Ellen DeGeneres fire an arrow?

With her Les-bow.

Why did Marlin and Dory never date?

Dory was played by Ellen DeGeneres.

Brain Jokes More Brain Jokes

When I was 3 years old I looked at my nutsack and asked my Mom "Are these my brains?

Not yet," she replied

Why did the brain cell go to the other side of the brain?

I don't know. It hadn't really crossed my mind.

Ponzi Buddy Jokes More Ponzi Buddy Jokes

What's Ellen Pao's husband's favourite web plugin?

Ponzi Buddy.

What is Ellen Pao's favourite piece of Malware?

Ponzi Buddy

Mod Jokes More Mod Jokes

How many Ellen Paos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. The mods do that for her.

What happened to the joke that insulted the mods?

People laughed, because it was a good joke.