Sniper Jokes

What did the sniper say to his wife when he came back from work?

I missed you

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What is an Iraqi children on a playground doing?

He's distracting the sniper. Didn't want to offend.

What's the difference between a sniper with bad eyesight and a constipated owl?

One shoots but can't hit, the other hoots but can't sh...

Why can't you get drunk with a sniper?

Because they are usually done after one or two shots.

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Texan Jokes More Texan Jokes

What does a Texan do if he breaks up with his girl friend?

He dates his other sister.

What haircut did the Texan barber recommend when asked?

He couldn't think of anything, and said "I'll mullet over"

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What do you call a dyslexic insomniac philosopher?

A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

What did the dog say to the tree?

Bark

Fiction Jokes More Fiction Jokes

Where do you find the Bible in a library?

Fiction".

Whats the most common work of fiction?

The average persons resume

Miss Jokes More Miss Jokes

What did the asteroid say when his trajectory missed earth?

I guess I didn't plan it very well!

What do you call an octopus that's missing one tentacle?

Octopus Prime.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What does a guy want more than anything in the world?

It doesn't matter. He has to ask his wife first.

Why did it take three burly Boy Scouts to help the old lady across the street?

Because she didn't want to go.

Communist Jokes More Communist Jokes

Why did Russia lose the race?

Because it was Stalin! (Sorry. Communist jokes aren't funny unless every gets them.)

Which is the most communist vegetable?

The soviet Onion

Tend Jokes More Tend Jokes

How can u drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.

What did the botanist say to the plant he was tired of tending to?

Grow away.

Distract Jokes More Distract Jokes

What is an Iraqi children on a playground doing?

He's distracting the sniper. Didn't want to offend.

Why doctor?

Doctor: "Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting."