Sniper Jokes

What did the sniper say to his wife when he came back from work?

I missed you

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What is an Iraqi children on a playground doing?

He's distracting the sniper. Didn't want to offend.

Why can't you get drunk with a sniper?

Because they are usually done after one or two shots.

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Tend Jokes More Tend Jokes

What has blonde hair, blue eyes and tends to ailed animals?

A VeterinArian.

Why do melons tend to have large weddings?

They cantaloupe

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What did my roommate say when I asked him if he wanted to watch the movie The usual Suspects?

Is it about black people

Why does my computer always ask me if I'm "sure" about stuff?

Yes, I want to delete my hard drive.

Absolutely Jokes More Absolutely Jokes

What do Zero and Nil have in common?

Absolutely nothing

What does a lawyer, a pine tree, and a hydrogen atom have in common?

Absolutely nothing.

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What do you call a dog riding in a submarine?

A subwoofer.

Why did the dog bark?

Because its a dog

Redneck Jokes More Redneck Jokes

What's a rednecks favorite part of archaology?

Relative dating

What do rednecks say after they broke up?

We can still be brother and sister.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between the Rockettes and a troop of acrobats?

One is a cunning array of stunts.

What is the difference between a creep and a kid?

I wouldn't let a creep sit on my lap.

Distract Jokes More Distract Jokes

What if the Government invented cheese to distract us from reality?

Gets arrested*

What is your favorite thing the new iPhone can do?

Mine is distract me from my own mortality

Irish Jokes More Irish Jokes

How many Irish folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb and one to sing about how grand the old bulb was.

What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day.