How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

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Start Jokes More Start Jokes

Why did the little black kid start crying when he had diarrhea?

He thought he was melting.

When does karaoke start?

Him: Never. Me: But I put my "I Karaoke" t-shirt on. Him: We noticed. Me: This is the worst funeral ever.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why does no one want to work in the yard with a carpenter?

Because they take a fence to that.

What's the funniest joke you've heard that can be told to a 5th grader?

I always loved this one: (works better said out loud of course) What do you call a fish with no eyes... A FSHHH

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

Why did the husband bring his wife's sick dog to the salon?

He was trying to get her pedicure.

What do you want your husbands gravestone to say?

Wife: "Nothing. I want a traditional, non-talking one."

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What has two legs and red all over?

Half a puppy... I'm sorry

How do you congratulate the guy who won the best tie contest?

You tell him... "that's definitely a win sir". Or if he did ok you can say you half win sir i suppose.

Emit Jokes More Emit Jokes

What emits a monochromatic beam of salty snack food?

Frito Layser.

How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

Lawn Mower Jokes More Lawn Mower Jokes

How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

Half Time Jokes More Half Time Jokes

How does Beyonce answer the phone?

HALO HALO HALO!* - inspired from the Superbowl XLV11 Half-Time show

How do you know the rules of football was written by an Italian?

You switch sides at half time.