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How do you congratulate the guy who won the best tie contest?

You tell him... "that's definitely a win sir". Or if he did ok you can say you half win sir i suppose.

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Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

Why can't you tell puns to a kleptomaniac?

Because they take everything literally (p.s. you can steal this joke if you want)

Why did the pregnant woman love to tell jokes?

Because she had a pun in the oven!

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your front porch?

Matt. Others:

What do you call a guy stuck in the same job for 30 years?

A four term US senator.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Why won't Bernie Sanders win the rational election?

Because he's two radical.

Why did Eli Manning didn't react to the Broncos winning the Superbowl?

Because the fine bros would sue.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

Why should you never trust advice from a group of gryphons?

Half of them are lyin'.

Why is Jesus never able to finish more than half of a crossword puzzle?

He always gets stuck on across.

Suppose Jokes More Suppose Jokes

What am I supposed to take tomorrow?

Doctor: That was a 30 day supply. Me: Whoops.

How was I supposed to know they meant combined?

They really look like adults, especially the 20-years old

Congratulate Jokes More Congratulate Jokes

How do you congratulate the guy who won the best tie contest?

You tell him... "that's definitely a win sir". Or if he did ok you can say you half win sir i suppose.

Why do people congratulate you when Mom is the one making the baby?

Me: I helped 5: How Me: 5: Me: I read her the instructions