How is it May already?

Day coming up tomorrow where people who don't know how calendars work tweet.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What do you get when you cross my mom with my dad?

I don't know, but my Dad said it was a mistake.

How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

How many Buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, change comes from within.

What did Samsung Galaxy S 5 say to the iPhone 6?

Get bent" I hope you guys like this joke. I just came up with it.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why can't John complete a workout?

He tried, but it didn't work out.

What does a pirate's beard feel like?

Corsair. (works better in a pirate accent)

Tomorrow Jokes More Tomorrow Jokes

How does procrastination start?

I'll tell you tomorrow.

What am I supposed to take tomorrow?

Doctor: That was a 30 day supply. Me: Whoops.

Calendar Jokes More Calendar Jokes

What's the difference between the calendar and you?

A calendar has a date on Valentine's Day.

Why was the calendar depressed?

His days were numbered.

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

Why can't we edit tweets?

Because if we could I would edit a tweet with 2,000 retweets to say "RT if you hate puppies and babies."

What do birds give out on Halloween?

Tweets.