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What can I get for you?

Me: Steak, please. W: How would you like that cooked M: By anyone other than my wife

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What do you think of my tweets?

Wife: They're all pretty terrible. Me: Don't you have ANYTHING positive to say Wife: You're consistent.

What did my wife say to me?

I want a divorce

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What do you call an integral that doesn't like derivatives?

An anti-derivative.

Where does Kanye West like to go with his son?

North West

Cook Jokes More Cook Jokes

Why could the chef not cook a tree branch?

Because he used a non-stick pan.

What's the hardest part of cooking vegetables?

Their wheelchairs

M Jokes More M Jokes

What did the ghost say when he got to the Halloween party?

Im here for the boos.

What's your strongest weakness?

Candidate: ... *Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up M: It's a trick question. You're hired!

Steak Jokes More Steak Jokes

How do lions like their steaks?

RAWR

Why can't you barbecue in Amsterdam?

Because the steaks are too high.