Steak Jokes

Why was the chef afraid of cooking steaks on a plane?

The steaks have never been higher

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How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?

Strap a steak to the ceiling

What do you call a steak that is a girl?

Miss.Steak

What happens when you give a cow a joint?

The steaks are high

Why did the rancher stop attending poker night with his marijuana smoking steers?

The steaks were getting too damn high.

What did Darth Vader say to the vegetarian stormtrooper?

I find your lack of steak disturbing.

How do tennis players prefer their steak?

Wimbledon and nicely served.

Why don't cows smoke weed?

The steaks would just be too high.

Why is steak harder to cook than spinach?

It takes a lot more thyme to accomplish.

Why did Mr. Steaks decide he would take his wife's surname?

Because he didn't want his daughters to be called Ms. Steaks.

What happens when you give a cow marijuana?

The "steaks" get higher

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Which is more stable, a hamburger or a steak?

Hamburger, it's in the ground state.

Why can't you barbecue in Amsterdam?

Because the steaks are too high.

How do lions like their steaks?

RAWR

Why can't short people cook?

Because the steaks are too high.

What do you call a bovine beauty pageant winner?

A big Miss Steak.

How did you find your steak sir?

Customer: Oh I just moved the potatoes and there it was!

What did the farmer say after he fed his cows pot?

The Steaks are high.

Why should you never BBQ on your roof?

The steaks are too high.

Why did the rancher get out of the hemp-fed beef market?

The steaks were too high.

Why should a midget not attempt to slaughter a cow?

The steaks are just too high.

How do sharks like their steak?

Whale-done

What's the worst cut of steak?

Amazon Prime.

What is Joan of Arc's least favorite food?

Steak

What is a vampires least favorite food?

Steak!...

What's a pickup artist's favorite breakfast?

Steak and negs. In shame and solitude

What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull?

A steak-out!

What do you call a cow with one leg?

Steak.

What did the cow say about the beef industry?

I've got some steak in it.

How does Lady Gaga like her......Steaks?

Raw, Raw, Raw Raw Raw!

What if a man existed w/one hand that's a steak and the other is lobster plus unlimited salad bar?

This is the plot of Edward Sizzlerhands

Why are steak puns so rare?

Because they are never well done.

How did you find the steak, sir?

The man looks at her and says "I just moved the potatoes."

What do you call it when you accidentally butcher your heifer instead of your steer?

A Ms. Steak.

Why did the cattle leave the marijuana field?

Because the steaks were too high!

Why are the steaks so high?

Because the pot was calling the cattle back and the cows went back to the marijuana field.

How do you turn a cow into a steak?

You mootilate it.

What makes you think this is steak?

While I stroked his thigh with a knife.

What do Canadians put on their steaks?

Eh-1 (Sorry)

What is a moo hoo for steak that came late?

Filet delay!

What can I get for you?

Me: Steak, please. W: How would you like that cooked M: By anyone other than my wife

What do you call a steak that is cooked wrong?

A mistake

What's a vampire cows worst fear?

Steaks.

How did you end up here?

Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster.

What food do vampires hate?

Steaks.

How does a metalworker like his Steak cooked?

Wel-dern

Why didn't the cow want to go skydiving?

The steaks were too high.

Why don't I have a boyfriend?

God: I sent you one, you dumped him for putting ketchup on his steak. Me: Ah. That's right. Gross.

What happened to the heretical chef?

He was burnt at the steak.

Why do butchers avoid buying cattle from Colorado?

Because the steaks are too high.

Why don't midgets like barbecues?

Because the steaks are too high.

Why is the beef in Colorado so good?

Because the steaks are high.

Why is there a draft?

Diner: Yes it's blown my steak off the plate three times.

Why did the farmer stop smoking with his cattle?

Because the steaks were too high...

Why did the farmer fence in the bull?

The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!

Why don't vampires like steak?

Because it's bad for their heart.

Why do Butchers don't risk it all in life?

Because the Steaks are too high.

Why do you have your thumb on my steak?

So I don't drop it again, Sir.

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Strap a steak to the ceiling

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Stoner!

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What do you call chow mein cooked in tomato sauce?

Impasta

Why couldn't the beaver cook his twigs?

He only had Non-Stick pans.

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What is it called when you are arrested for drunk driving and you extremely regret it?

DU-WHY!

How did the steak knife find himself after drunk driving?

In car, serrated

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What did the chef say when he noticed his scales were broken?

No weigh...

Why was the chef fired?

He was caught stroganoff