What did the optimist say to his doctor when he found out he had lung cancer?

Well, I'll deal with this asbestos I can!

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What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

Where can you find a paraplegic man?

Right where you left him.

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

Why did the cat go to the doctors?

Because it wasn't feline well

What did the doctor say to the strange beer that walked into his clinic?

What ails you?

Deal Jokes More Deal Jokes

What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?

What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."

What's the deal with black people?

They're not black, and they're not people!

Optimist Jokes More Optimist Jokes

What is the definition of an optimist?

An accordion player with a pager.

What is the difference between Russian Optimist Pessimist and Realist?

An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.

Lung Cancer Jokes More Lung Cancer Jokes

What's easier to get, aids or lung cancer?

Depends what you smoke. (Not native speaker, sorry if it doesn't make sense)

How is the 85 year old Contractor that survived lung cancer doing?

Asbestos he can. I'm so sorry.

Asbestos Jokes More Asbestos Jokes

What's the only thing worse than asbestos?

Asworstos.

Why do carcinogens want to give us cancer so badly?

Because they're trying asbestos they can.