Lung Cancer Jokes

What did the optimist say to his doctor when he found out he had lung cancer?

Well, I'll deal with this asbestos I can!

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How is the 85 year old Contractor that survived lung cancer doing?

Asbestos he can. I'm so sorry.

What's easier to get, aids or lung cancer?

Depends what you smoke. (Not native speaker, sorry if it doesn't make sense)

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Deal Jokes More Deal Jokes

How can you tell you are dealing with an extroverted engineer?

He's staring at somebody else's shoes.

Why are Jedis allowed to use negative numbers?

Because only Siths deal in absolutes.

Smoke Jokes More Smoke Jokes

What did the old chimney say to the younger chimney?

You're too young to smoke!

What's the water polo team's favorite song?

Smoke on the Water, because they are always getting roasted.

Sense Jokes More Sense Jokes

What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?

Laughing stock.

Why is a cow that he jumps?

Because he higher and higher. (I translated the joke from Dutch, and yeah it's supposed to not make any sense, it just sounds funny, in Dutch at least. :-$)

Optimist Jokes More Optimist Jokes

What is the difference between Russian Optimist Pessimist and Realist?

An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.

What is the definition of an optimist?

An accordion player with a pager.

Asbestos Jokes More Asbestos Jokes

What's the only thing worse than asbestos?

Asworstos.

What did the terminally-ill dock worker say about his health care?

It's asbestos could be.

Aid Jokes More Aid Jokes

What do Aids, Syphilis and Chlamydia have in common?

Your mom.

What kind of aids he got?

Financial aids!!

Depend Jokes More Depend Jokes

What does an 80-year-old person taste like?

Depends.

What does grandma's crotch smell like?

Depends

Survive Jokes More Survive Jokes

What human organ would survive the longest in the hunger games?

The liver

What happens when an American has a heart attack and survives?

A 'murical.