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What do a wedding and a funeral have in common?

At the end of the day, a stiff gets buried either way.

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Bury Jokes More Bury Jokes

Why was everyone saying such kind, loving words to the man?

The man was a corpse being buried forever.

What if I buried it in the yard?

Me, genuinely, earlier today. Wife said no.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

Why is it the only thing a woman wants out of a man these days is security?

Well it's the first thing they say when I approach them.

What day was Doris Day born?

Doris' day.

End Jokes More End Jokes

What does a blonde and a tornado have in common?

They both start blowing but in the end they take everything from you.

What's the difference between me and Jimmy Kimmel?

I can make it to the end of a Jimmy Kimmel joke without laughing.

Funeral Jokes More Funeral Jokes

What do a wedding and a funeral have in common?

At the end of the day, a stiff gets buried either way.

What do Mexicans play at their funerals?

Another Juan Bites The Dust

Wedding Jokes More Wedding Jokes

Why did the melons decide to have a wedding?

Because they cantaloupe.

Why didn't the cellphone attend the wedding?

He heard the reception was going to be terrible...

End Day Jokes More End Day Jokes

What do a wedding and a funeral have in common?

At the end of the day, a stiff gets buried either way.

Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus?

At the end of the day I'm just a guy in a bikini on the bus.