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What's the different between a wife and a smoke detector?

One, you can turn off without even trying. The other, you spend all day waving a dish cloth at.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

However, a man goes home and tells his wife about it. How is this possible?

He wasn't single.

What belongs to me but is used the most by others?

My ex-wife

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

How do I turn my new girlfriend on?

She's a robot and the instructions are in Chinese.

What do you say to a soldier who doesn't turn up for Camouflage training?

Well done.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What did the Middle Eastern dishwasher say when his boss asked him what he did all day at work?

Iraq the dishes in the dish rack and Iran the dishwasher

How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?

Pupil: I get up early!

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

Why do I have to answer security questions to pay my bills?

Ohmygod please tell me there are hackers out there trying to pay my bills....

Why don't elephants like martinis?

Have you ever tried to get an olive out of your nose

Wave Jokes More Wave Jokes

How did your first day as a lifeguard go?

Me: "Amazingly well, thanks. Everyone was so friendly and waving at me."

What did the Atlantic Ocean and Pacific Ocean say to each other?

Nothing, they just waved.

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

Why is working at Amazon warehouse like being a coke addict?

You spend 10 hours a day doing nothing but clearing lines.

How did the monster cure his sore throat?

He spent all day gargoyling.