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What's the different between a wife and a smoke detector?

One, you can turn off without even trying. The other, you spend all day waving a dish cloth at.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Where are the posters?

WIFE: THEY JUST DISAPPEARED! In other room *cat is furiously stuffing missing dog posters into paper shredder*

What's the different between a wife and a smoke detector?

One, you can turn off without even trying. The other, you spend all day waving a dish cloth at.

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

How do you stop being an 18 year old Virgin?

Turn 19

How do you turn chicken masala into chicken marsala?

Have a pirate cook it...they always add an "arrr"...

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

Why was the man hanging out in the market all day?

I don't know, but it was pretty bazaar

What does Putin say during his New Year's speech?

Don't know but its so scary that they drink for ten days straight right after!

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

How many men do you need to defend Paris?

I have no idea. Nobody ever tried.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?

They're trying to get away from the noise.

Wave Jokes More Wave Jokes

What did the tsunami say to Japan?

Nothing, it waved. Happy Thursday all.

How did your first day as a lifeguard go?

Me: "Amazingly well, thanks. Everyone was so friendly and waving at me."

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

What does a successful CS:GO bettor spend the money on?

Vacation.

How do you win a small fortune in Las Vegas?

By spending a large fortune.