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Why did Jon Snow need a new battery?

For the watch.

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Why does Jehovah need so many witnesses?

Sounds like a pretty shady dude to me.

Why did the programmer get a job working with big data when his wife died?

He just needed a little bit of Clojure.

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Why should you never watch a movie with a generous Nascar driver?

He might give away spoilers!

What is the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

The people in Dubai don't watch the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabidoooo!

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Why did Jon Snow need a new battery?

For the watch.

Why did ygritte break up with Jon Snow?

She didn't want six inches of snow all year long.