Line Jokes

A barbie queue (BBQ)! Also, I made a quick sketch on my iPad. I found the genesis to this joke as a text note in my Evernote this morning, after what seemed like a night of free flow beers. Feel free to downvote me to oblivion.

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What did the Physics professor say when he forgot his lines of a speech?

Give me a moment...ummmm.(momentum)

What do you call a line of men waiting to get a hair cut?

A barbecue

What is Weird Al Yankovic's favorite pick up line?

Hey, so are you familiar with my parodies? Yeah my PAIR O DEEZ NUTS!!!

What's the difference between shame and pride?

It depends on where I draw the line.

What's a joke that you invented?

Here's mine: Did you hear about the guy who had to snort a line of baking soda every day? He was basically addicted.

Why was Cleopatra angry?

She was on her pyramid. Stolen from Whose Line Is It Anyway.

What do you call the line at a Vietnamese restaurant?

Pho queue!

What's the difference between a line of naked women and a magician?

Well, the magician has a cunning array of stunts...

What's a cokeheads favorite TV show?

Whose Line is it Anyway

What kind of line gets thicker and thinner at the same time?

A line of marathon runners

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Why are Paris's streets lined with trees?

German soldiers like to march in the shade.

How does a baboon make phone calls?

He just monkeys around on the line!

How do I get to 280?

A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"

Why do French tanks have review mirrors?

Because they want to see the front line too

Why does Paris have tree lined streets?

Because the German army likes to march in the shade.

Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees?

The Germans like shade

Why did the chicken cross the road half-way?

She wanted to lay it on the line.

What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

What do you call a line of Barbies?

A. A Barbecue!

Why does it take so long when Satan is in front of you in line at the post office?

Because the devil takes many forms.

What is cosmetics?

Cosmetics is a woman's means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.

What do you call a line of iron cats?

A Feline...

How did the dyslexic American mathematician sing the first line of his national anthem?

Oh secant, you say

Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire?

She wanted to lay it on the line!

Why did the chicken cross the road half way?

He wanted to lay it on the line!

What is your line of business?

Me mumbling: Treason stuff. Cop: Louder for the microphone. Me: Trees 'n' stuff. Gardening.

What do you call people waiting in line for Vietnamese soup?

Pho queue.

What's black and white stinks and hangs from a line?

A drip dry skunk.

What did the snake say to the cornered rat?

Hiss is the end of the line for you!

What did you do at preschool?

3-year-old: We had to color inside the lines the WHOLE time. Me: 3-year-old: I need to lie down.

What do tired line dancers do?

A. They Line Down

Why was the algebra teacher arrested on drug charges?

He was caught doing lines of math!

Why did Jon Snow stand in line at the Apple store?

For the watch!

What happens if a line doesn't get enough Vitamin C?

It gets curvy.

What do you call a line of hundreds of rabbits, moving backwards slowly?

A receding hareline

How does the Pirate watch his movie?

He PIRATES them off line. (Or torrents them off Pirates Bay) =)

When does a fisherman offend you the most?

When he's completely out of line

What's the programmer's favorite drug?

A line of code.

What would you're opening line be?

Like outrageous, dark, funny whatever let's hear!

What Do You Call A Line Of Men Waiting For A Haircut?

A Barbecue. Christmas crackers are just full of laughs.

What do you get if you cross a pig and a telephone?

A lot of crackling on the line!

What's the best thing about a swimming pool bar?

There's never a line for the bathroom.

How do Mexicans line up?

Juan by Juan

What's your best pick up line?

Cocaine Edit:spelling

What did the pig say when he found a line of ants in his trough?

Mmm. Canapes.

What equine likes to cut in line?

A sawhorse!

Who was the naughtiest character in Star Wars?

R2D2. All of his lines are bleeped out.

What's the difference between a newspaper and a cocaine addict?

One has headlines, and the other gives head for lines.

Whose line is it anyway?

Generous cocaine party guests

What do you call it when a rabbit tactfully jumps in front of a line?

A nice hare cut

Why are the streets of France lined with trees?

So the Germans can march in the shade.

What was the last line in Anne Frank's diary?

Just a moment, someone's knocking on the door..

What's white and in the men's 100m track final?

The lines.

What do cows like to line dance to?

Any kind of moosic you like!

What helps humans get laid but is deadly for fish?

Pick up lines

What do you call fifty blondes lined up ear-to-ear?

A wind tunnel. #ThugLyfe

What do you get when you line up 12 girls from Kentucky?

A full set of teeth.

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Why was the broom late to the meeting?

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You're always meeting new people.

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How do we know JFK was a fan of PDA?

He was all over his wife at the parade

What did Pontius Pilate say to Jesus?

If you drop that damn Cross again you are out of my Parade.

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What do Super Mario Brothers, and relationships have in common?

Sometimes you have to slay a few dragons before you get to the princess

What's the difference between tequila, and all of my relationships?

Tequila never goes bad

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Why do intersecting lines hate each other?

Because they do nothing except making themselves cross.

Why did the circle stop arguing with the two intersecting lines?

Because they had a point

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What would be your main strength?

Well, I can communicate with animals... "Wow, impressive. Any weaknesses " They can't understand me.

How does a deaf Gynecologist communicate with his patients?

He reads lips.

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What do you call a Rwandan tribe falling down a hill?

Tutsi Roll.

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Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.?

Because it's indivisible.

Why does Al Gore hate Oil Spills?

They get all over the sheets.

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Why did the bald man draw rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance they looked like hares.

Why did the bald man put a rabbit on his head?

Because he wanted a head of hare (hair).