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Why don't women sleep on the left side of the bed?

Because they always want to be right.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

Why did the boy take the ruler to bed?

He wanted to see how long he slept.

What did the bed say to the sleepy man?

I want you inside me

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What did the busy port master say to the rowdy pirates who wanted to dock?

I don't have time for your ship.

Why do people say that Canadians always want to establish that they're Canadian?

As a Canadian, this offends me.

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What does Ronda Rousey's opponents and myself have in common?

We both barely last 14 seconds and leave our partners underwhelmed.

Why has the ex-NSA contractor not left his house?

He's snowed in.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What did the rubber ball say when he left the yo-yo's late night house party?

You better get some sleep - I'm gonna bounce!

How did the midget feel after sleeping all night in a coffin?

A little stiff.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What do you tell a woman who wants a larger outlook on life?

Tell her to stand next to the kitchen window

What do you call a woman who wants lots of compensation?

Sue.