Why is everything lying on the floor?

My mom asked Gravity, I replied.

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Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

How's your nutrition?

ME: *dipping my burrito into custard* Not going to lie. It's been worse.

Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

What do your mom and monkeys have in common?

Macaque

What's the difference between your mom and a washing machine?

If I dump a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around for the next few weeks.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2...and don't ask me how they got in there. (My 87 year old grandma just told me this one)

What were you before you came to school boys and girls?

Asked the teacher hoping that someone would say "babies." She was disappointed when all the children cried out "Happy!"

Gravity Jokes More Gravity Jokes

Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!

What defies the law of gravity?

Women. They heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

How high are you!?

Demanded the officer. "No Officer, it's "Hi, how are you "." replied the kid.

Whatever shall we do?

Let us spray!" replied the other.

Floor Jokes More Floor Jokes

What happened when the computer fell on the floor?

It slipped a disk.

Why does she keep cleaning the floors?

Me: Her stepsisters make her. 5: She should just buy a Roomba.