Asylum Jokes

Why shouldn't you get asylum in Russia?

Cuz you'd be snowed-in

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Why was Santa in the asylum?

He lost his SANTAty

What does an asylum have in common with a squirrel's house?

They're both used to store nuts.

Why did the cheese get sent to the asylum?

Coz 'e-mmental!

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' Jokes More ' Jokes

How does a lawyer sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other. Credit: Nicholas Sparks from his book 'See Me' which I am reading now.

Why a pirate could not spell iris?

He had only one 'i'

Diagnose Jokes More Diagnose Jokes

What was the stressed out toddler diagnosed with?

Diapertension

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

How did Jared lose 40lbs?

He dumped his girlfriend.

What do you call a Korean girl, who lost her virginity at a young age?

Sum-Young Ho

Nut Jokes More Nut Jokes

What does a hardware salesman do on a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are a dollar fifty. Deer nuts are always under a buck...

Vegetable Jokes More Vegetable Jokes

What do vegetables say when they go to party's?

TURNUP!

Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward?

Because it only ate vegetables.

Fruit Jokes More Fruit Jokes

What do you call a fruit that stays up very late to study for tests?

A cramberry.

What fruit can't get married?

CANTELOPE

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop an onion.

Who can't tell the difference between short and long?

This subreddit mods

Russia Jokes More Russia Jokes

Why is Edward still in Russia?

He's Snowden.

What was the Tsar of Russia's favorite fish?

Tsardines!