You tell your Wife, "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" Wife asks, "WAS SHE BEAUTIFUL?" You cant say 'NO' You cant say 'YES' That is Checkmate!
SOME GUY: Laptop everyone applauds...w/ tears in my eyes i crumple a paper that says Kneeputer
Guy: 34C.
They were both cooked by a guy named "Dave".
Depressed
I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them.
Receiving a text from your girlfriend saying that you're breaking up or receiving a second text after saying that it was supposed to be for someone else
In vitro, in Prancer, in Dancer, in Vixen.
They both have algorhythm.
Me: I drowned my swallows in whiskey Don't u mean sorrows Me covering tub of dead birds: is that the saying
Just ice.
He gets hammered and she gets nailed.
ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*
Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
I'm Going Through the Big D and Don't Mean Dallas
Cloathed*
He gets lost every time he checks the speedometer.
