Beautiful Jokes

What is Checkmate?

You tell your Wife, "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" Wife asks, "WAS SHE BEAUTIFUL?" You cant say 'NO' You cant say 'YES' That is Checkmate!

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Checkmate Jokes More Checkmate Jokes

How did the baker put his opponent in checkmate?

With an en croissant

Who's there! Checkmate! Checkmate who?

Checkmate bounce if you don't have money in the bank!

Beekeeper Jokes More Beekeeper Jokes

What do beekeepers say when they go to work?

Alright, let's get down to beeswax!

What kind of people have the most beautiful eyes?

Beekeepers. Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder.

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

Why does nobody ever talk about Jack the Ripper's sleazier French cousin?

Jock the stripper.

What did the cocaine addict say to his drug of choice?

I'm kinda busy, I won't be able to stay any longer, smell ya later" PS: the addict died that day from severe delusions that his coke was talking blanket, lot of coke....

Beauty Jokes More Beauty Jokes

Why are spectators so happy with their jobs?

Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder

What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture... What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture on the Northern Lights to the people of Wonderland?

Aurora boring Alice.

Dancer Jokes More Dancer Jokes

How are you so strong?

LET ME GO TINY DANCER

How many dancers does it take to change a light bulb?

Five six seven eight!

Text Jokes More Text Jokes

What is it with people who text and drive?

I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them.

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again.

Whiskey Jokes More Whiskey Jokes

What about the two old ladies who brought a bottle of whiskey to the baseball game?

At the bottom of the fifth the bags were loaded.

What is a proctologist's drink of choice?

Two fingers of whiskey.

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

Why do they bury lawyers 20 feet deep?

Because deep down, they're good people. Thanks Saul.

What did the baby say to its mother after breastfeeding?

Thanks for the mammaries!