Checkmate Jokes

What is Checkmate?

You tell your Wife, "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" Wife asks, "WAS SHE BEAUTIFUL?" You cant say 'NO' You cant say 'YES' That is Checkmate!

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Why can't you checkmate a christian?

Because they're all pawns and their king doesn't exist.

How did the baker put his opponent in checkmate?

With an en croissant

What do you call it when you get stuck into a shotgun wedding with a Czech?

Checkmate!

Who ate all the cookies?

5-year-old: Ninjas. Me: I didn't see them. 5-year-old: No one ever does. Checkmate.

Who's there! Checkmate! Checkmate who?

Checkmate bounce if you don't have money in the bank!

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How would you tell if the Queen was stoned?

Her Highness will tell you

How do you tell an introvert and an extrovert mathematician apart?

When talking to you, the extrovert mathematician looks at *your* shoes.

Christian Jokes More Christian Jokes

Whats the Difference between an Atheist, a Christian and a Dog?

DogMa

Whats the difference between a Christian and a Muslim?

One blows up kids, the other gets blown by them.

5 Year Old Jokes More 5 Year Old Jokes

Why don't we say Grace?

Me: I don't know. 5-year-old: Me: 5-year-old: Is it because your cooking makes God angry

Who ate all the cookies?

5-year-old: Ninjas. Me: I didn't see them. 5-year-old: No one ever does. Checkmate.

Eat Jokes More Eat Jokes

Who ate those tomatoes?

Tom ate those.

What did I do in my 3-year-old?

I ate sand.

Bounce Jokes More Bounce Jokes

What do you get if crossed a new born snake with a basketball?

A bouncing baby boa!

Why did you drop the baby?

Well Mrs Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby so I wanted to see if he did.

Stick Jokes More Stick Jokes

What did the constipated maths teacher do when he got stuck?

Got a pencil and worked it out.

What did the robber with an errection say?

This is a stick-up.

Exist Jokes More Exist Jokes

Who says time travel doesn't exist and we can't go back in time?

America just did.

Why doesn't God like pizza?

Because he doesn't exist.

Opponent Jokes More Opponent Jokes

How did the baker put his opponent in checkmate?

With an en croissant

How did the OBGYN win the election?

He was able to stirrup some controversy about his opponent with his effective smear campaign.