Duct Jokes

What did the motivational speaker say to the duct?

You conduit!

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How much for that babysitter?

Ma'am, that's a roll of duct tape I'll take it!

What do you call Quicksilver when he's duct taping people's mouths?

A running gag.

What causes dry eyes?

Ducts out of water...

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Bind Jokes More Bind Jokes

How is Ducktape like the Force?

It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds everything the galaxy together. Edit:Duct Tape I know, I was tired

Why did the wheelchair-bound girlfriend break up with her boyfriend?

He kept pushing her around.

Scotch Jokes More Scotch Jokes

Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak?

X-post /r/puns Scotch.

Who says you can't make someone love you?

I've got a bottle of Scotch, some duct tape and a fresh batch of cupcakes, that beg to differ.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What is the definition of "making love"?

Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her.

What kind of music do phones love to hear?

A symphony

Potato Jokes More Potato Jokes

How did you find your steak sir?

Customer: Oh I just moved the potatoes and there it was!

How can you tell if a potato is baked?

It's are all red and glossy.

Mmmmm Jokes More Mmmmm Jokes

What's the Best thing about Duct Tape?

It turns Noooo! Noooo! Noooo!......to..... Mmmmm, Mmmmm, Mmmmm.

What did the glue taste tester say?

Mmmmm.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What do women and police cars have in common?

They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

What does "IDK" mean?

I keep asking people, but they don't know either.

Cause Jokes More Cause Jokes

Why did the train go left?

Cause it couldn't get on the right track. I made that joke when I was little and remembered it today, might as well post it.

Why are Black people so tall?

Cause they're knee grows!!

Duck Jokes More Duck Jokes

Why did the duck leave his flock?

Because he wanted to be a-loone.

What does a duck put in its burrito?

Quackamole.