Beg Jokes

What did the flower say when she was begged not to tell a secret?

Chrysanthemum's the word.

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What do you call someone who begs for a free copy of "Return Of The King"?

A free-LOTR

What's the difference between a paycheck and a D**k?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

Who says you can't make someone love you?

I've got a bottle of Scotch, some duct tape and a fresh batch of cupcakes, that beg to differ.

What shall we do with all these letters begging for money?

The woman asks her husband. "Keep sending them!"

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Chain Jokes More Chain Jokes

What do you call a thousand lawyers, chained to the bottom of the ocean?

A start.

What have you done wrong if the wife keep complaining when you try to watch TV in the living room?

You made the chain too long in the kitchen.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

How to find out who loves you more - your dog or your wife?

Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.

Which Dinosaurs love electricity?

Bulbasaurs

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

Why did the sperm cross the road..?

I accidentally put on the wrong sock today....

What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

Scotch Jokes More Scotch Jokes

Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak?

X-post /r/puns Scotch.

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse, Janice Joplin, Jim Morrison, and a bottle of scotch?

OC) A bottle of scotch can keep beyond 27 years.

Man Idea Jokes More Man Idea Jokes

What's a man idea of helping with the housework?

Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

What's a man's idea of a balanced diet?

Beer in each hand!

Snow Tire Jokes More Snow Tire Jokes

Cupcake Jokes More Cupcake Jokes

When I have complicated problems I always ask myself, what would my imaginary wife do?

And then I end up buying myself cupcakes, and shoes.

Who says you can't make someone love you?

I've got a bottle of Scotch, some duct tape and a fresh batch of cupcakes, that beg to differ.

Return Jokes More Return Jokes

How do you know that a dog is a man's best friend?

Take your girl and your dog, and lock them in the back of a car, return in 5 hours, which one do you think will be happy to see you?

How is Jesus different from other carpenters?

Unlike other carpenters, Jesus may actually return one day