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What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

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Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

What did the priest use to forgive the sinners that shot up his church?

A holey Bible. And, yet, it still made more sense than Scientology.

Why did the policeman shoot the empty LED?

It was a black one.

Casino Jokes More Casino Jokes

Why did the monks go to the casino?

Tibet.

What is your best casino joke?

I work in a casino and want to hear your best one. Here is mine: what's the difference between a canoe and a baccarat player? A canoe sometimes tips!

Blast Jokes More Blast Jokes

Why did the terrorist go to Sonic?

To have a Blast!

Why don't astronauts get hungry after being blasted into space?

Because they've just had a big launch.

Shotgun Jokes More Shotgun Jokes

Why can't melons have shotgun weddings?

They cantaloupe

What sound does a shotgun make?

Cobain Cobain

Crap Jokes More Crap Jokes

What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda?

Civic doody.

Weekend Jokes More Weekend Jokes

What did you do on the weekend?

ME: I baked CW: Nice. What did you bake ME: Me

What do computer experts do at weekends?

Go for a disk drive.

Flashback Jokes More Flashback Jokes

Why's the couch smell like pee?

Flashback to me watching The Ring alone Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."

What were you doing?

Flashback to me trying to find the actual Hogwarts* "Grad school."