What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

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2 Jokes More 2 Jokes

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2. One to screw it in and another to say, "I could do that".

Why does a chicken coup have 2 doors?

Because if it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken Sedan.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What did Serena say to Venus before they faced off in the US Open?

In tennis, love means nothing.

How do you tell who loves you more. Your wife or your dog?

Put both of them in the trunk of your car...drive around...open the trunk and see who is happy to see you.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

What's the difference between a Twitter post and a Russian Novel?

A Twitter post is limited to 140 characters

What's the difference between Twitter and Game of Thrones?

Twitter only allows 140 characters.

Condom Jokes More Condom Jokes

What type of condoms does Ronald McDonald use?

McRibbed

What do you call four condoms who play music together?

A rubber band.

Send Jokes More Send Jokes

What do Bernie Sanders and the Statue of Liberty have in common?

Common people sent both of them pennies to help build a foundation for liberty.

What kind of car did J.J. Abrams send to pick up Harrison Ford for the new Star Wars premiere?

A Hyundai.

800 Jokes More 800 Jokes

What is a caffeine addict's excuse for drinking coffee in the evening?

It's 8:00 somewhere!

What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

Rule Jokes More Rule Jokes

What's the first rule of contradiction club?

There is no contradiction club

What is the first rule of Womans fight club?

Never tell anyone what are you so mad about

Llama Jokes More Llama Jokes

What does one llama say to the other llama before the smoke some weed?

Alpaca bowl!!!

What did the one llama say to the other before they went on vacation?

ALPACA BAG