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800 Jokes

What is a caffeine addict's excuse for drinking coffee in the evening?

It's 8:00 somewhere!

We've Got This Love Thing Down
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We've Got This Love Thing Down

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Why did the spud lover set his alarm for 8:00?

Because he wanted to get a-po-ta-to clock. to make joke more apparent

What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

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Count Jokes More Count Jokes

How do you keep a blonde busy for years?

Tell her to count the stairs on an escalator.

How can you tell what rank a Russian soldier is?

Count the stripes on his track pants.

2 Jokes More 2 Jokes

What do a Pediatrician and Podiatrist have in common?

Their patients are 2'

What do you call a girl in between 2 houses?

Alane

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What dinosaur loves pancakes?

A tri-syrup-tops.

How do you know your boyfriend loves you?

SECOND PIGLET: He signs his letters with lots of hogs and kisses.

800 Pound Jokes More 800 Pound Jokes

Where does an 800 pound gorilla sleep?

With the fishes.

What do you call an 800 pound gorilla?

Anything he wants to be called.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How to you know that cows will be in heaven?

It's a place of udder delight.

Why will we never know if Rick James was bald?

Rogaine is a hell of a drug.

Send Jokes More Send Jokes

What's the best way to send a letter to Prince Charles?

Heir mail

How do long distance runners send e-mail?

On the sprin-ternet.

Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

Why are firetrucks red?

You see, firetrucks have 4 wheels, can carry 8 men and 4+ 8 = 12. There are 12 inches in a ruler and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas. Fish live in the seas and fish have fins. People from Finland are called Fins. Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago. Russia has red on its flag and that's why they're red. Cause they're always Russian around.

What do you call a fish with three eyes?

Fiiish. (works when spoken :-/)

Alex Jokes More Alex Jokes

What is buoyancy?

Alex: I'm sorry. The answer we were looking for is, Whatever.

What's Alex's (from 'A Clockwork Orange') preferred type of light?

Ultraviolent