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Why did the stressed out zombie go on vacation?

He needed some time to himself to decompose.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time would it be if five elephants were chasing you?

Five after one.

What time does Sean Connery leave to go to Wimbledon?

Tennish.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why are Twilight fans obsessed with it?

Because they need a fandom that won't make them feel like trash.

What does the twitter bird do when it needs money?

It goes to Twerk!

Zombie Jokes More Zombie Jokes

What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb?

I have made a grave mistake.

Why did the zombie move into a studio apartment?

Because he didn't need a living room anymore!

Vacation Jokes More Vacation Jokes

Where does a pirate go on vacation?

Arrrrrland.

What do cows wear when they're vacationing in Hawaii?

Moo moos

Stress Jokes More Stress Jokes

How's college supposed to prepare you for the real world?

All it does is make you tired and stressed out and anxious and nevermind I get it.

How about a month filled with stress and obligation?

Pitch for December

Decompose Jokes More Decompose Jokes

What do songwriters do after they die?

They decompose

What do you think Mozart is doing right now?

Decomposing.