Zombie Jokes

Where o where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found some one You met a zombie and pblblthpth you were gone.

What do zombies use to prepare their turkeys for cooking on the smoker?

Briiiiines...

Where did the zombie go on his night out?

To the st club.

What was the vegan craving when he got bit by a zombie?

GRRRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNNSSSS

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What did the zombie say at the urinal?

I'm reliving myself.

What brand of underwear do zombies wear?

Haaaaaannnnnneeeeeessssss

How do zombies communicate in times of war?

Cryptic code.

How do you turn a computer into a zombie?

Send it a byte. Kind of lame but I couldn't help myself.

What's the difference between a zombie and a redneck?

One is a brainless, dirty, slow moving abomination, and the other is a zombie.

Why did the zombie move into a studio apartment?

Because he didn't need a living room anymore!

What kind of food do zombies hate?

Fast food

What's the difference between zombies?

Q: What's the difference between zombies? A: Zombies make honey, and zombies don't.

What happened to the two zombies who went on a date?

They had a mantic** time.

Why did the zombie get a gym membership?

Gaaaainsss

Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion?

Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains

What do vegan zombies crave?

GRRAAAAINS!!

What do you love most in the world?

Me: You & your brother 4yo: Oh Me: What about you 4yo: The fire tree in Plants vs. Zombies Me: Oh

When the zombies want Twisties! take a look on this zombies viral video, serious feedback please :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?

V=vdRiMBPbQ8

What'd be worse?

Zombie apocalypse or Facebook shutting down and 500 million retards all of sudden using twitter

Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?

He threw his arm out.

What kind of cereal do zombies like?

Kellog's All Brain

What do you call memories of zombies?

FLESHBACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do you call a lawsuit against a zombie?

Deceased and desist

Who are the most intelligent monsters?

Zombies (because, Braiiiiiiins!!!)

What did Joan Rivers say to the zombie?

Who are you wearing *

What do you call a group of zombies watching The Sixth Sense while on a cruise?

High Seas Dead People

Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?

Because he was de-composing.

What's a zombies favourite brand of crisps?

Walkers

What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb?

I have made a grave mistake.

How do zombies celebrate Halloween?

They paint the town dead!

Why did the zombie cross the road?

To get his guts back. My three year old made that one up, I though it was pretty good

Why can't zombies play the blues?

Just feels like they don't put their soul in to it.

Why didn't the skeleton ask out the Zombie to go to the Halloween party?

He didn't have the guts

What do you call a zombie that runs fast?

A zoombie.

What about a Walking Dead situation where she's a zombie?

Then I can bang other chicks

Why was the zombie in such a rush to get to his book signing?

He had deadlines to meet

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Decompose Jokes More Decompose Jokes

What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?

If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.

What are Mozart and Beethoven up to these days?

They're both Decomposing

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the blonde make love in the microwave?

She wanted to have a baby in 9 minutes.

Why do people say that Canadians always want to establish that they're Canadian?

As a Canadian, this offends me.

Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

What does A&W stand for?

Amburgers & Woot Beer! Edit: Thanks to my dad for this one.

What's your dad do?

Kid: My dad He's an actor Me: Why Couldn't you get a real dad

Redneck Jokes More Redneck Jokes

What's the difference between bacteria and rednecks?

When looking at bacteria you can actually find some culture.

Why did the redneck drive his pickup truck over the edge of a cliff?

He wanted to test out his new air brakes.

Brain Jokes More Brain Jokes

What do monks, rabbis, and Mormon priests have in common with brains?

The all tend to be found enclosed within temples.

What do you call a fish that operates on brains?

A brain sturgeon.

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

Why don't anti-vaxxers hang out in bars?

They're afraid of the shots.

Why do so many people like hanging out with Mr. Mushroom?

Because he's a Fungi!

Song Jokes More Song Jokes

Why should we hire the chickpeas to be part of our choir?

They could hummus a song! (I was really proud of this one.)

Where Your Children Are?

Even worse, the next song is called, "Can You Give Me Directions "

Westero Jokes More Westero Jokes

What song do the zombies of Westeros sing?

The Brains of Castamere.

How do you enter a brothel in Westeros?

Through the Hodor!