Boyfriend Jokes

What did the girlfriend, say to her boyfriend, when he showed up for sushi?

Wha suh b?

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What does Taylor Swift tell her boyfriend when he gets toilet paper stuck on his arse?

Shake it off

Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?

He was a boar.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

What did the melon tell her boyfriend when he proposed?

Yes but we cantaloupe.

How does a tractor break up with its boyfriend?

With a John Deere letter.

Why did a girl leave his boyfriend for a mushroom?

Because he wasn't a fungi!

What did the painter say to her boyfriend?

I love you with all my art!

Why did the melon leave her boyfriend?

He said he can't elope.

Why did your boyfriend return his Christmas tie?

He said it was too tight.

What do you call a couch stuffed with chic peas?

A hummus-sectional ba dum tish! I know that was bad. Please blame my boyfriend, he thought of it.

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What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?

Close the door.

Who, you ask, turns the AC on during a polar vortex?

Sociopaths, fascist dictators, my boyfriend.

How can you tell your boyfriend has a high sperm count?

You have to chew before you swallow.

What are the 2 reasons the girl broke up with her boyfriend?

Because he was a cheetah and because he was lion too much to her.

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Kick Jokes More Kick Jokes

Why did the cheerleader get kicked out on her last day of school?

X-post from /r/punny Because you can't end on a prep position.

Why did the brownie get kicked off the baseball team?

Because she was a girl.

Heart Jokes More Heart Jokes

What do British girls do to hearts?

Brexit

How do you know if you've fallen in love with an apple from France?

Your heart goes "pomme pomme... pomme pomme..."

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a cow and 911?

You stop milking a cow after 14 years..

What's the difference between dog food and a hot dog?

I have no idea...

Consider Jokes More Consider Jokes

Why was the chemist not able to get very far in his study of acids?

He was only willing to consider the most basic of solutions.

Why is Halloween considered the scariest time of the year?

Most weddings happen in June.

Knife Jokes More Knife Jokes

What is another name for a knife?

A chopstick!

What did the cake say to the knife?

You want a piece of me!

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

What do you get when ant's parents won't let him marry his girlfriend?

Antelopes.

What do you do when your girlfriend starts to smoke?

Slow the pace and apply more lube!

Sushi Jokes More Sushi Jokes

What did sushi A say to sushi B?

WASABI!!!

What is the name of the restaurant chain that serves sushi burritos?

Japotle.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What kind of tape do kidnappers use?

AbDUCT tape

What's the difference between a $1000 used car and a Rolls-Royce?

One's a grand car and the other's a grand car