Carve Jokes

What's the best way to carve wood?

Whittle by whittle.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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How do you get 27 kids to carve a statue?

Have everybody chip in.

What's brown and white and flies all over?

Thanksgiving turkey when you carve it with a chain saw!

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Wood Jokes More Wood Jokes

Why did the woman turn to her husband and say "now who the hell would dump such a nice sofa out here in the woods?

She was looking at a bear and thought it was a sofa due to the four legs.

Why we going into the woods?

Let me out

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

What do you do when you stumble upon a one-armed Polish man stuck in a tree?

You wave!

What happens to all the unsold Christmas trees?

A Total TreeCull. Basically, on the evening of December 25th, every Christmas tree salesperson does the trees

Knife Jokes More Knife Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road with a knife?

Because it saw Lena Dunham on the other side.

What did the cake say to the knife?

You want a piece of me!

Good Way Jokes More Good Way Jokes

What's the best way to sum up the 90's?

90+91+92+93+94+95+96+97+98+99=945

What is the best way to send a letter to the Easter Bunny?

By hare (air) mail.

Face Jokes More Face Jokes

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I wouldn't pay 50 to have a lentil on my face...

What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?

A bear faced lyre!

Thanksgiving Jokes More Thanksgiving Jokes

What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?

Turkey.

Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?

Because they're both roasted

Heart Jokes More Heart Jokes

Why do marble statues look so mean?

They have hearts of stone.

Why don't vampires like steak?

Because it's bad for their heart.

Bob Jokes More Bob Jokes

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

Bob

What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms or legs?

Bob.