40 Jokes

How many of the commemorative state quarters have you collected?

I have 40.

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How do you know when you're turning 40?

When your candy jar is filled with Tums..... My wife just came up with that one... Birthday is next week.. Ugh

What has an IQ of 42?

"40 Marines plus their lieutenant"

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Birth Jokes More Birth Jokes

What do you call a sheep giving birth in a bedroom?

Bedlam

What do you call a cow that has given birth?

Decalfinated.

Child Jokes More Child Jokes

How does a Syrian family have a meal?

The men provide the food and the women do the cooking, leaving the children to wash up afterwards.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies?

Disney movies can still touch children.

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

What did the Gorilla do with the apple he was holding in his hands?

He brought it to school and said 'An Ape-lle for the teacher!'

How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?

One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.

Point Jokes More Point Jokes

Why did the small Egyptian climb to the top of the pyramid?

He couldn't see the point.

What did the blind guy say to the deaf guy?

I hear what your saying, but I don't see your point

Zipper Jokes More Zipper Jokes

What has over a hundred teeth and keeps back Godzilla?

My zipper!

What has 72 teeth and can hold back the Incredible Hulk?

My zipper.

Date Jokes More Date Jokes

What brings you to speed dating?

Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.

What is the date in Germany/Brasil today?

7-1. (World Cup)

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

How can you tell that a straight pin is confused?

Just look at it. It's headed in One Direction and pointed in the other.

What's next, thought crimes?

CNN: If you stare at your hand for a long time it will look weird

40 Degree Jokes More 40 Degree Jokes

Why was the 40 degree angle so nice to the 50 degree angle?

Because it's very complementary!

Whats the complement to a 40 degree angle?

My you're looking "acute" today.