40 Jokes

What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana?

The Mercedes can easily reach 40.

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What has 40 teeth and holds a monster at bay?

My zipper.

How many of the commemorative state quarters have you collected?

I have 40.

How do you know when you're turning 40?

When your candy jar is filled with Tums..... My wife just came up with that one... Birthday is next week.. Ugh

What has an IQ of 42?

"40 Marines plus their lieutenant"

Why do women aged 40+ not play hide and seek?

Cause nobody would be looking for them.

How do you start a black parade?

Roll a 40 down the street.

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Complement Jokes More Complement Jokes

Whats the complement to a 40 degree angle?

My you're looking "acute" today.

What did the corn say when it was complemented?

Aww, shucks!

Birth Jokes More Birth Jokes

How can you tell that your dog just gave birth?

It is now a parent.

How does a woman go about inventing something?

She gives birth to a boy.

Mercede Jokes More Mercede Jokes

What is the difference between a Mercedes and a Lexus?

Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Lexus...

What did Mike Meyers say to Eddie Murphy after Eddie bought him a brand new Mercedes?

DANKE!

Moses Jokes More Moses Jokes

How does Moses get his tea ready?

Hebrews

Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?

Even then men wouldn't ask for directions!

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

What did the man say while holding a square clock?

I'm holding Time Square!

Why is Man Utd's chemistry lacking?

Because they are held together by weak van den Gaal's forces.

Helen Keller Jokes More Helen Keller Jokes

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love

Why did Helen Keller stop cleaning her dishes?

She was running out of things to read.

Date Jokes More Date Jokes

What's the best part about dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere!!

What does the date inside of a wedding ring stand for?

Best before...

Point Jokes More Point Jokes

What do witches use pencil sharpeners for?

To keep their hats pointed.

Why should you not argue with a decimal?

Because decimals always have a point.