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Fitness Jokes

How do you tell if someone is riding a bicycle for fitness or because they have a DUI?

The cigarette.

Love

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Lead Jokes More Lead Jokes

What about the weasel?

That's the punchline. Comment with the lead up and may the best one win.

What's the leading cause of obesity in women?

Wedding rings

Diddly Squat Jokes More Diddly Squat Jokes

What kind of exercises do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

What exercise does Ned Flanders do at the gym?

Diddly squat

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

Why do dogs hate outer space?

Because they strongly dislike vacuums.

Why did the fruit leave office?

Because he was imPEACHED! lol. i hate myself.

Insist Jokes More Insist Jokes

Why did Eminem make a terrible barista?

Because he kept insisting everyone only get one shot.

How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

Why don't people tell Jim Jones jokes?

The punchline is too long.

Why did the child have two black eyes?

Because telling them once wasn't enough.

Truck Jokes More Truck Jokes

Why didn't the mobsters car parts fit?

They all fell off a truck.

How did the vegetable farmer fix his flat tire on his truck?

With asparagus...

Safeway Bag Jokes More Safeway Bag Jokes

How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?

You take the s out of safe and the f out of way!

How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag?

You take the "F" out of way.

Pant Jokes More Pant Jokes

What do you call it when Superman craps his pants?

Undy-terd.

Why did the Priest go to Walmart?

Because the little boys pants were half off.