Football Match Jokes

What's the difference between a football match and a referendum?

In a football match, the best team wins.

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What lights up a football stadium?

A football match!

What lights up a football pitch at night?

A football match.......

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Night Jokes More Night Jokes

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an atheist, an insomniac?

A person that lays awake late at night and ponders if there's such a thing as a dog.

What do you get when you're agnostic, dyslexic, and an insomniac?

You stay up all night wondering if there's a dog.

L. Jokes More L. Jokes

Why is it "canceled" in America, but "cancelled" in England?

Because we gave them that L in 1776.

Who's the most unpopular person at the Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch football match?

The person who shouted "Give me an L!"

Light Jokes More Light Jokes

When last did you get lit?

Me: This morning. It was really sunny so I was well illuminated.

What did the egg say when it got turned up?

Om-lit

Person Jokes More Person Jokes

What do you call a person who's happy on a Monday?

Unemployed.

What do you call the person that cleans the Mafia's hotel rooms?

A maid man.

Shout Jokes More Shout Jokes

What did Sean Connery say when a book from his cupboard fell on him?

I can only blame my shelf. Shout out to /r/shubreddit

Why should you never shout at a pirate?

Because it hurts their buccaneers. (Sorry it's lame, I just made it up)

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball?

They're both brown except the snowball.

What's the difference between an introverted scientist and an extroverted scientist?

An extroverted scientist will stare at YOUR feet.

Football Pitch Jokes More Football Pitch Jokes

What part of a football pitch smells nicest?

The scenter spot!

What lights up a football pitch at night?

A football match.......

Referendum Jokes More Referendum Jokes

What's the plural of "Referendum"?

Riots.

What's the difference between a football match and a referendum?

In a football match, the best team wins.