Good News Jokes

Which do you want to hear first?

Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Michael: The good news. Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

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How's my cat, Doc?

Vet: I have good news and bad news..

What's the good news?

Doctor: You should make it til Shark Week

Why is it good news that Aroldis Chapman moved to the Yankees?

Because pitchers don't hit in the American League!

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Paul Jokes More Paul Jokes

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply?

Paul gas coin!

What is everyone writing songs about?

John: revolution Paul: forgiveness George: true love Ringo: hmm, a submarine or maybe an octopus

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot?

A carrot!

Why did the cat give birth at the park?

Because the sign at the park said "Fine for Littering"

Bad News Jokes More Bad News Jokes

What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

What's the worst news for a NASCAR driver before a race?

The track is alright.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What's a caterpillar afraid of?

A dogerpillar (Thank you Laffy Taffy for the worst best joke I've ever heard)

How they rave and they rant! Is it Jackman?

Or, Laurie Hefner or Grant - Horton Hears a Hugh

Pitcher Jokes More Pitcher Jokes

What did the baseball manager do when he needed another man in the bullpen?

He took a can of orange juice from the freezer and made a pitcher.

Why did they stop serving beer at Miami Marlins games?

They didn't have enough pitchers.

Doc Jokes More Doc Jokes

How much longer do I have doc?

Doctor: "Ten." Patient: "Ten what " Doctor: "Nine..."

Where do boats go when they're sick?

The Doc

Michael Jokes More Michael Jokes

Which do you want to hear first?

Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Michael: The good news. Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

What do you call a fox that can't stop shaking?

Michael

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

Why was the storm trooper such a good dad?

He could never hit his kids.

How Many Running Backs Does It Take To Turn On A Light?

Two. One to find the switch...the other to hit it.