Maintain Jokes

Why do health magazines targeting hypochondriacs have so much trouble maintaining subscriber levels?

Because none of their readers believe them when they receive a warning that it's their final issue.

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What's the difference between polite conversation and an erection?

I can maintain polite conversation.

What's the difference between hardware and software?

Hardware breaks if you maintain it.

What's your strongest trait?

My fingers. "No, like... Are you pinching me " GIVE ME fighting to maintain pinch THE JOB

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Believe Jokes More Believe Jokes

What phone etiquette?

You hand me your phone, you better believe I'ma hurry & scroll through as many pics as I can before you notice.

Why didn't the atheist businesswoman make any money?

She didn't believe in prophets.

Erection Jokes More Erection Jokes

What kind of an erection does a necrophiliac get?

Mourning wood!

How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

What song do burgers sing on the job?

Gristle While You Work!

Why did Raekwon tha Chef get fired from his job at an oyster bar?

Cuz Wu Tang Clan got nuttin' to shuck with.

Hypochondriac Jokes More Hypochondriac Jokes

Why don't hypochondriacs... Why don't hypochondriacs use lighters?

They're afraid of catching fire!

Why is it so easy to trust a hypochondriac?

Because none of their plans are ill-conceived.

Wheel Jokes More Wheel Jokes

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck. I'm sorry.

What is the best music to air drum to while driving?

Def Leppard, because you can keep on hand on the wheel.

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

Where do atheists donate their money?

Non Prophet Organizations

Why was the fruit farmer losing money?

He couldn't grow a pear

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

Why was the nose running?

Cuz it's a running nose

Why should you never run behind a bus?

You will get exhausted.

Race Car Jokes More Race Car Jokes

What does a flower in a race car yell?

Petal to the nettle!

Why did everyone turn away when the race car drove past?

It had a SPOILER on it.