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Maintain Jokes

Why do health magazines targeting hypochondriacs have so much trouble maintaining subscriber levels?

Because none of their readers believe them when they receive a warning that it's their final issue.

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What's the difference between polite conversation and an erection?

I can maintain polite conversation.

What's the difference between hardware and software?

Hardware breaks if you maintain it.

What's your strongest trait?

My fingers. "No, like... Are you pinching me " GIVE ME fighting to maintain pinch THE JOB

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Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What do you call a dinosaur who knows how to please its woman?

A Lickalottapus

What do you calll a woman that people sit on?

Cher!

Reader Jokes More Reader Jokes

Why do health magazines targeting hypochondriacs have so much trouble maintaining subscriber levels?

Because none of their readers believe them when they receive a warning that it's their final issue.

How does a one liner hurt its readers?

With its punchline

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What is the difference between 1000 dead babies and a Ferrari?

I dont have a Ferrari in my garage.

What's the difference between someone unemployed and a gender-expert?

Nothing

Finger Jokes More Finger Jokes

What do you call a nosy hot pepper?

Jalapeno business! ha ha.. haha.. ha love this joke (Usually accompanied with three snaps of the fingers in the shape of the letter Z and moving my head from side to side)

Why is something that keeps you from burning your fingers on a joint called a roach clip?

Because potholder was already taken

Warn Jokes More Warn Jokes

How did the dog warn its master that a Gorilla was approaching?

He barked g-r-r-r-illa!

Who served as the 45th Vice President of the United States?

Warning: Gore

Receive Jokes More Receive Jokes

Why did the scarecrow receive a prize?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

What's the best way to receive down votes on reddit?

Wohahaha! That was funny!

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

What runs forever and never dies?

An argument with a woman! And I'm in one right now.

Why does the Clyde run through Glasgow?

Because if it walked, it'd get jumped!

Fight Jokes More Fight Jokes

Whats the best thing on the menu?

Waiter: The cheesebur- Me: WRONG! *points to the picture I drew on it of Ironman fighting Darth Vader*

Which of my girlfriends do you think is the prettiest?

What I actually heard was "Do you want a fight "