Obtain Jokes

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Rectal Thermometer Jokes More Rectal Thermometer Jokes

Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?

Because nurses are taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side.

What's a difference between a oral and a rectal thermometer?

The taste

Nurse Jokes More Nurse Jokes

What's better than a paradox?

A pair of nurses

What's this bit here?

NURSE: ...his heart ME: Hm. NURSE: Your resume said you were a surgeon ME: My resume says a lot of things

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

How does every racist joke start?

Looks over both shoulders....

What is the worst thing you want to hear from a doctor giving you a prostate exam?

Look ma, no hands!

Insist Jokes More Insist Jokes

Why do tailors hate statisticians?

They insist that the fit could be better.

How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.

Teach Jokes More Teach Jokes

How did Zarathustra introduce his peanut-based health drink?

I teach you the goober quench!

Why did the cyclops quit teaching?

He had only one pupil.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What do you call the camera used for colonoscopys?

A GoProbe.

What currency do they use in space?

Star Bucks.

Temperature Jokes More Temperature Jokes

What's the temperature in Motown right now?

Three degrees, four tops

What's the temperature inside a TaunTaun?

Lukewarm

Cougar Jokes More Cougar Jokes

What do you call a Japanese Cougar with exceptional taste?

Umami

What do you call a cat that claims it's a lion crossed with a cougar?

A liar.