Purchase Jokes

What did the obese man say about the belt he'd recently purchased?

Top notch.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Where do ISIS fighters go to purchase soda and candy?

Allahu snackbar!

How is food purchased an an Irish grocery?

You buy it per-tater

Why did the bachelors purchase double amputee strippers for their party?

Because they were 50% off!

What does Harry Potter say after he purchases slaves?

I expect to Potter-own 'em.

Where do Turkish people go to purchase their furniture?

The Ottoman Empire.

What did the duck say to the cashier after she purchased some lipstick?

Just put it on my bill

What car is so cheap that anyone could purchase it?

A Ford.

What do you call the study of the purchase of tree parts?

Stem sell research.

What did the photocopier say about its favorite purchased song?

That's my pay-per jam.

Why didn't the vampire purchase the expensive suit?

He just couldn't ever see himself wearing it.

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Tip Jokes More Tip Jokes

What's the worst part of giving a magician a ride home?

When you get there, you turn into the driveway. Ba-dum-bum! Don't forget to tip your waitress!

What happens when a neckbeard takes drugs?

They start tipping balls.

Isis Fighter Jokes More Isis Fighter Jokes

Why do ISIS fighters only drink instant coffee?

Because they hate the French Press. (This joke used to be more topical)

Why are ISIS fighters afraid to join the TEA Party?

They're afraid they'll be audited by the IRS.

Obese Man Jokes More Obese Man Jokes

What did the obese man say about the belt he'd recently purchased?

Top notch.

How much did the obese man know about fitness?

Diddly squat

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

Where do dogs park their cars?

In barkinglots.

What's the most dangerous possession a gun nut will ever own?

His car.

Allahu Jokes More Allahu Jokes

What's the most popular pub in the Middle East?

The Allahu ak-Bar

What starts with an A and has a boom at the end?

Allahu akbar

Irish Jokes More Irish Jokes

What do you call a fake Irish diamond?

A shamrock.

What is an Irish 7 course meal?

A six pack and a potato

Bachelor Jokes More Bachelor Jokes

What's the difference between a married man and a bachelor?

A bachelor will go to the fridge, sees nothing he wants, and go to bed A married man will go the bed, sees nothing he wants, and go the fridge!

Why did the bachelors purchase double amputee strippers for their party?

Because they were 50% off!

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

Why should you never buy golf equiptment made in New Jersey?

Because New Jersey drivers are terrible

Why do the rich enjoy tending to their gardens?

Because the they have an excuse to buy hose