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Purchase Jokes

What did the obese man say about the belt he'd recently purchased?

Top notch.

Love Card

Love Card

Where do ISIS fighters go to purchase soda and candy?

Allahu snackbar!

How is food purchased an an Irish grocery?

You buy it per-tater

Why did the bachelors purchase double amputee strippers for their party?

Because they were 50% off!

Where do Turkish people go to purchase their furniture?

The Ottoman Empire.

What did the duck say to the cashier after she purchased some lipstick?

Just put it on my bill

What car is so cheap that anyone could purchase it?

A Ford.

What do you call the study of the purchase of tree parts?

Stem sell research.

What did the photocopier say about its favorite purchased song?

That's my pay-per jam.

Why didn't the vampire purchase the expensive suit?

He just couldn't ever see himself wearing it.

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Candy Jokes More Candy Jokes

How do sheep divide candy?

They all get their fair shear

What is a childs's favourite type of Halloween candy?

Lots a candy.

Stem Jokes More Stem Jokes

What do you call a mushroom with a 12 in stem?

A fungi to hang out with

Where should we look to stem global overpopulation?

The youth in Asia.....

Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?

Wave at him

What has four legs and an arm?

A happy pit bull.

Tater Jokes More Tater Jokes

How is food purchased an an Irish grocery?

You buy it per-tater

Why do new Irish mothers keep dying?

Because they lack taters

Notch Jokes More Notch Jokes

What did the obese man say about the belt he'd recently purchased?

Top notch.

Expect Jokes More Expect Jokes

Who remembers the 2016 presidential race?

Nobody expected that late run from Gonzalez, did they?

How do you expect us to loan you money if you can't prove to us that you don't need it?

Banks

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

Which is the cheapest bicycle you can buy?

A penny-farthing.

What the?

Oh, I accidentally bought Hamburger Hinderer

Isis Fighter Jokes More Isis Fighter Jokes

Where do ISIS fighters go to purchase soda and candy?

Allahu snackbar!

Why do ISIS fighters only drink instant coffee?

Because they hate the French Press. (This joke used to be more topical)