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Purchase Jokes

What did the obese man say about the belt he'd recently purchased?

Top notch.

We've Got This Love Thing Down

March Madness Sale

We've Got This Love Thing Down

Where do ISIS fighters go to purchase soda and candy?

Allahu snackbar!

How is food purchased an an Irish grocery?

You buy it per-tater

Why did the bachelors purchase double amputee strippers for their party?

Because they were 50% off!

Where do Turkish people go to purchase their furniture?

The Ottoman Empire.

What did the duck say to the cashier after she purchased some lipstick?

Just put it on my bill

What car is so cheap that anyone could purchase it?

A Ford.

What do you call the study of the purchase of tree parts?

Stem sell research.

What did the photocopier say about its favorite purchased song?

That's my pay-per jam.

Why didn't the vampire purchase the expensive suit?

He just couldn't ever see himself wearing it.

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Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What do you call someone with no arms and no legs being towed behind your boat?

Skip.

What happens when a calculus teacher with one arm can't figure out a proof?

He gets stumped.

Vampire Jokes More Vampire Jokes

How do Vampires Make Tea?

Used Tampons

What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day?

A coffin break.

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

How do you call a dog that likes to be on the Internet?

A Labragoogle.

Why does Ms. Piggy use honey and vinegar douche?

Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.

Study Jokes More Study Jokes

Why didn't Tim have any friends while he was studying fishing?

Because he would just go home and master bait.

Where's Brian?

Me: studying her closely He's... right here

Slave Jokes More Slave Jokes

What does a slave driver do with his slaves when he's bored?

He racism.

Why do people hit things (ex. TV, computer, etc.) when they don't work?

Well, it worked with the slaves.

Obese Man Jokes More Obese Man Jokes

What did the obese man say about the belt he'd recently purchased?

Top notch.

Cashier Jokes More Cashier Jokes

How do attractive men pay for things?

They handsome money to the cashier

What did the duck say to the cashier after buying some red lipstick?

Just put it on my bill

Obese Jokes More Obese Jokes

What do programmers and obese people have in common?

They both call an 8-course meal a bite.

Why are so many people obese these days?

Because burgers are$.99 and salads are $4.99