Leg Jokes

What do you call a person who is outside a door and has no arms nor legs?

Matt

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it

What's the difference between a duck?

One leg is both the same.

What do you call a judge with no left hand and left leg?

He is alright, but one sided!

How do you call a cow with no legs?

You don't, because cows don't have phones.

What do you call a cow with five legs?

Rare.

What do you call a cow with three legs?

Tri-tip.

What do feet and fairytales have in common?

They're both leg ends.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't coming.

Why do flamingos stand on one leg?

Because if they didn't they'd fall over.

How does a blonde count a thousand sheep?

She counts the legs, and divides by 4.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What has four legs and goes 'Boo'?

A cow with a cold.

How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?

A sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

Why don't snakes have legs?

Because otherwise they'd be lizards.

How much does it cost to buy multiple prosthetic limbs?

An arm and a leg.

What does have eyes but can't see, has legs but can't walk, and has wings but can't fly?

A dead bird.

What has three feet but no legs?

A yardstick.

What has two eyes but can't see, two wings but can't fly, and two legs but can't walk?

A dead bird.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs inside a volcano?

Anakin Skywalker. (Happy Geek Pride Day!)

Why is it that sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

So they don't get mistaken for feminists.

What has four legs, two humps, and is given a copy of Metal Gear Solid for their computer?

Revolver Camelot!

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Why did the milking stool only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

So people don't confuse them for feminists.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs?

Matt. No arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Bob.

What did the little boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

How do you call a dog without legs?

You don't, you go and grab him.

What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg?

Limp Biscuit.

What has three eyes, three hands, and three legs?

Two pirates

What's the difference between a small bird?

One of it's legs is a little smaller.

What is a double amputee's favorite video game?

League of Leg ends.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your front porch?

Matt. Others:

What do you call a kid with no legs, no arms and an eyepatch?

Names.

What do you call a cow with only legs on one side?

Lean Beef.

What do you call a door with no legs?

A door.

What has four legs and quacks?

A paradox

What's brown, sticky and runs down your leg?

Chocolate Ice Cream in July!

How much does automail cost?

An arm and a leg.

What do you call a man with no arms and legs that falls into a body of water?

Bob.

What do auditioning for an acting role and playing sports have in common?

If you break a leg, you get cast

How do you call a dog with no legs?

You don't call it, you pick it up.

What has two legs and bleeds profusely?

Half a cat

What has a bottom on top?

A leg.

What happens to a legend's career when he loses his leg?

It ends.

Why do sumo wrestles shave their legs?

So that you can tell them apart from feminists

What has two legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a dog

How many legs does an elephant have if you count his trunk as a leg?

Four. Because calling the trunk a leg doesn't make it a leg.

What do you do with a dog that doesn't have any legs?

You take him for a drag.

What's the difference between writing your will and owning an ant farm?

One's a legacy, the other a sea of legs.

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

What has four legs and is always ready to travel?

A zebra with a private jet.

What do you call a dog with no back legs and metal balls?

Sparky

What do you call a guy with no arms and not legs laying on a porch?

Matt

Whats better than winning gold at the paralympics?

Having legs.....

What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms or legs?

Bob.

What do you call a man who has lost the lower parts of his legs, but still somehow has his feet?

Tony.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?

Bob

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russel.

What's a pirate's favourite letter?

A P. Because it's like an ARR, but it's missing a leg.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs playing in the leaves?

Russell.

What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?

Names

What's the only thing better than a gold medal at the Paralympics?

Legs

Why do sumo-wrestlers shave their legs?

So they don't get mistaken for feminists.

What do you call a pig with no legs?

A groundhog

What is better than getting a gold medal at the paralympics?

Having legs.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean?

Bob

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs driving a car?

Rex (made this one up myself!)

What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eyepatch?

Names.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs playing in a pile of leaves?

Rustle

What do you call a man on your porch?

Mat. I neglected to mention he has no arms or legs.

What do you call a dog with no legs and metal balls?

Sparky.

What do you call a blind buck?

No idear. What do you call a blind buck with no legs? Still no idear.

Where did the Gingerbread man lose his leg?

He lost it back in the 'Nom War

What do you call a dog with no legs in the ocean?

Bob Barker

What do you tell a hitchhiker with one leg?

Hop in

What's red and has two legs?

Half a cat

What do you call a guy with no legs at your front door?

Matt

What has got two legs and bleeds?

Half a dog!

What did the blondes left leg say to her right?

Nothing... They've never met

What do you call a dog with no legs and balls of steal?

Sparkie.

What did the boy with no legs and arms get for Christmas?

Cancer

Why do legs have to be at least 25 inches long?

They're over two feet

What do you call......a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

Bob

What has bottom on the top?

Legs.

What do you call a panda who's legs don't work?

Pandapalegic

How much did the skeleton charge for his excellent legal services?

An arm and a leg.

What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and sits in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

What do you call a guy with no arms &amp no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russel

What has fifty legs but still can't walk?

Half a centipede.

What do you call a man in the middle of the ocean with no arms or legs?

Bob

What do you call a guard with a hundred legs?

A sentrypede.

What do you call a cow with one leg?

Steak.

What has four legs and goes "Oom! Oom!"?

A cow walking backwards!

What is the name of a dog with no legs and metal balls?

Sparky

What is Mary short for?

She has no legs

What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?

An octopuss!

What do you call twins with no arms and no legs, hanging by a window?

Curt 'n Rod

What do you call a dog without front legs?

Chester.

Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air?

Because eggs were going up!

Why are snakes hard to fool?

They have no legs to pull!

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the water?

Bob

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Trunk Jokes More Trunk Jokes

Why can't two elephants go swimming?

They only have one pair of trunks.

What animals were last to leave the ark?

The elephants as they had to pack their trunks!

Remainder Jokes More Remainder Jokes

How many members of a certain demographic group does it take to perform a specified task?

A finite number: one to perform the task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question.

What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life?

Fred and George Weasley.

Bedroom Jokes More Bedroom Jokes

What do you call it when a lizard has problems in the bedroom?

A reptile dysfunction

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the evening and 6 legs at night?

I've trapped it in my bedroom, send help...

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

Why can't Kermit and Miss Piggy count to one hundred?

Because every time they get to 69, Miss Piggy gets a frog in her throat.

What can a monster do that you can't do?

Count up to 25 on his fingers.

8 Jokes More 8 Jokes

Why is it customary to drink 8 mojitos a day in Cuba?

It's the Hemming way.

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

When is the earliest time of day Nintendo fans play games?

The Wii hours of the morning.

Why was the calendar nervous?

It's days were numbered!

George Weasley Jokes More George Weasley Jokes

What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life?

Fred and George Weasley.

What does George Weasley see in the Mirror of Erised?

His reflection.

Life Jokes More Life Jokes

What did Earth say to the Sun?

My life revolves around you!

Why is there no life on Mars?

No WiFi...