Leg Jokes

What do you name a dog with no legs?

Cigarette" because you take him out for a drag.

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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hot dog bun?

Frank

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs driving a car?

Rex (made this one up myself!)

How do you keep your hair from blowing everywhere when you drive in a convertible?

Cross your legs

What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eyepatch?

Names.

What was special about Three-Eyed Suzie?

She had no legs.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs playing in a pile of leaves?

Rustle

What do you call a man on your porch?

Mat. I neglected to mention he has no arms or legs.

Why did jillian fall of the swing?

She had no arms! Why didnt jillian get back up? She had no legs! Knock knock! Whos there? Sure as hell not jillian

What do you call a dog with no legs and metal balls?

Sparky.

What do you call a blind buck?

No idear. What do you call a blind buck with no legs? Still no idear.

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Where did the Gingerbread man lose his leg?

He lost it back in the 'Nom War

What do you call a dog with no legs in the ocean?

Bob Barker

What do you tell a hitchhiker with one leg?

Hop in

What's red and has two legs?

Half a cat

What do you call a guy with no legs at your front door?

Matt

What's white and crawls up your leg?

Uncle Ben's Perverted Rice

What has got two legs and bleeds?

Half a dog!

What do you call a dog with no legs and balls of steal?

Sparkie.

What do you call a kid with one arm and three legs?

Unfortunate.

What's better than a tall woman wrapping her legs around you?

A short woman trying like hell.

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What did the boy with no legs and arms get for Christmas?

Cancer

Why do legs have to be at least 25 inches long?

They're over two feet

What do you call......a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

Bob

What has bottom on the top?

Legs.

What do you call a panda who's legs don't work?

Pandapalegic

What's got four legs and no ears?

Mike Tyson's dog.

How much did the skeleton charge for his excellent legal services?

An arm and a leg.

What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and sits in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

What do you call a guy with no arms &amp no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russel

What has fifty legs but still can't walk?

Half a centipede.

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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What do you call a man in the middle of the ocean with no arms or legs?

Bob

What do you call a guard with a hundred legs?

A sentrypede.

What do you call a cow with one leg?

Steak.

What has 2 heads and six legs?

Nirvana

What has four legs and goes "Oom! Oom!"?

A cow walking backwards!

What is the name of a dog with no legs and metal balls?

Sparky

What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?

It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

What is Mary short for?

She has no legs

What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?

An octopuss!

What do you call twins with no arms and no legs, hanging by a window?

Curt 'n Rod

Why could Jimmy not drive a tractor?

Because he had no arms or legs. Why Because he is a potato.

What do you call a dog without front legs?

Chester.

Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air?

Because eggs were going up!

Why are snakes hard to fool?

They have no legs to pull!

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the water?

Bob

What has four legs, two horns, and always brags about climbing really tall things?

A mountain gloat.

What's a man idea of helping with the housework?

Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?

Art.

What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs hanging over a window?

Kurt and Rod

What is brown and has got four legs and an arm?

A Rottweiler on a children's playground.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying under a pile of leaves?

Russel.

What do you call someone with no arms and no legs being towed behind your boat?

Skip.

What famous actor costs an arm &amp a leg to hire?

ARMold SchwarzenLEGger

What has a mouth but never speaks, Has a bed but never sleeps, And has legs but never walks?

Amp;nbsp; A mute, crippled insomniac

What do they have for lunch at Monster School?

Human beans boiled legs pickled bunions and eyes-cream.

How many legs does the dog have?

4 y.o: Five Me: There's something wrong with your counting. 4: There's something wrong with the dog.

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas?

I don't know, he hasn't opened his presents yet.

What is green sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together?

Chimney Cricket!

What do you call a Sandwich with legs?

Bready Legs

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs?

Matt

Why do cows need four legs to walk?

Because they lactose. Moo

What does the handyman who has no legs wear on his head?

The handycap.

What mouse has two legs?

Mickey Mouse. What duck has two legs

What do you call a man with no arms or legs...... sitting at your door?

Matt....floating in your pool Bob....hanging on your wall Art.... water skiing Skipper.

What did they call the Pillsbury Doughboy after he hurt his leg?

Limp Biscuit

What's got two legs and bleed a lot?

Half-a-dog!

What has four legs and an arm?

A happy pit bull.

What has two legs but can't walk?

A dead duck.

What do you call a fox with one leg?

Terry

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a high school?

Names

What has two arms and 14 legs?

Guy who collects legs.

What do you call a man with no arms &amp no legs......hanging on the wall?

Art...floating in the sea Bob...laying on the floor Matt...down in a hole Phil...sitting in a pot Stu...

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russell

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your swimming pool?

Bob

What walks on eight legs until the age of one, four legs until the age of twenty, and two legs after?

The Weasley twins

What do internet pirates have on their legs?

J.pegs

What do you cal a man with no arms and no legs fighting with his cat?

Claude

What has four legs a tail whiskers and flies?

A dead cat.

How many thingamabobs does Ariel have?

20 "Twenty-*one*. She got the last one when she wished for legs."

How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?

She fell out of the tree.

What has four legs and can fly?

Two Birds!

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, who hangs out in your pool?

Bob

What has got four legs and an arm?

A Rottweiler in a playground.

What has long ears four legs and is worn on your head?

An Easter bunnet!

How do I feel about your goatee?

I shave every part of my legs except the knees, how do you feel about that

What has six eyes, four wings and eight legs?

Two chickens and a goat.

What's better than winning the wheel chair basketball championship?

Having legs...

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?

Bob.

What do you call a kid with no arms or legs at the front door?

Matt.

What do you call a man without arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?

Claude!

What do you call a race where all the runners have no legs?

An arms race.

What has four legs but isn't alive?

The son says,"Nice try dad, a chair!" "Not this time son, our dog is dead"

What is brown and gray has eight legs and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk?

A Chihuahua on vacation with an elephant.

What do you call a person who is missing his left eye, left ear, left arm and left leg?

Alright.

What has four legs and several fins?

A happy bear!

What kind of mouse walks on two legs?

Mickey Mouse Q: What kind of duck walks on two legs A: They all do!

Why have sumo wrestlers began shaving their legs?

They were getting tired of being mistaken for feminists

Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?

Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over!

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

Bob

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4 Leg Jokes More 4 Leg Jokes

What has 4 legs and isn't alive?

It's a chair dad... Why are you bothering me with this! No Jimmy, it's your dog...

What has 4 legs and an arm?

A happy pit bull.

Evening Jokes More Evening Jokes

What is a caffeine addict's excuse for drinking coffee in the evening?

It's 8:00 somewhere!

What do elephants do in the evenings?

Watch elevision!

Deal Jokes More Deal Jokes

How did Saddam deal with his leftovers?

He used sarin wrap

How can you tell you are dealing with an extroverted engineer?

He's staring at somebody else's shoes.

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

What do you call it when the women in the back of a Mexican brothel talk after working all night?

Whorechata. Probably my best original, lemme know what you think.

What do you get when you cross an agnostic, an insomniac, and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

2 Leg Jokes More 2 Leg Jokes

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Lean Beef

What do you call a dog with 2 legs?

Snoop Dogg.

George Weasley Jokes More George Weasley Jokes

What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life?

Fred and George Weasley.

What does George Weasley see in the Mirror of Erised?

His reflection.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What runs all day but never gets tired?

Water.

What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school?

Bison

Morning Jokes More Morning Jokes

How are you able to stay in bed all morning without getting up to pee?

He replied......It's hard

Why didn't you stop when I shouted at you back there?

Motorist: I thought you were saying "Good morning Mr. Mayor." Cop: Right. I wanted to warn you about going too fast through the next town.