Leg Jokes

What has four legs, two horns, and always brags about climbing really tall things?

A mountain gloat.

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What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs hanging over a window?

Kurt and Rod

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying under a pile of leaves?

Russel.

What do you call someone with no arms and no legs being towed behind your boat?

Skip.

What famous actor costs an arm &amp a leg to hire?

ARMold SchwarzenLEGger

What do they have for lunch at Monster School?

Human beans boiled legs pickled bunions and eyes-cream.

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas?

I don't know, he hasn't opened his presents yet.

What is green sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together?

Chimney Cricket!

What do you call a Sandwich with legs?

Bready Legs

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs?

Matt

Why do cows need four legs to walk?

Because they lactose. Moo

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What does the handyman who has no legs wear on his head?

The handycap.

What did they call the Pillsbury Doughboy after he hurt his leg?

Limp Biscuit

What's got two legs and bleed a lot?

Half-a-dog!

What has four legs and an arm?

A happy pit bull.

What has two arms and 14 legs?

Guy who collects legs.

What is better than winning a gold medal at the paralympics?

Having two legs

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russell

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your swimming pool?

Bob

What walks on eight legs until the age of one, four legs until the age of twenty, and two legs after?

The Weasley twins

What do internet pirates have on their legs?

J.pegs

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What do you cal a man with no arms and no legs fighting with his cat?

Claude

How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?

She fell out of the tree.

What has four legs and can fly?

Two Birds!

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, who hangs out in your pool?

Bob

What has got four legs and an arm?

A Rottweiler in a playground.

What has long ears four legs and is worn on your head?

An Easter bunnet!

What has six eyes, four wings and eight legs?

Two chickens and a goat.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?

Bob.

What do you call a kid with no arms or legs at the front door?

Matt.

What do you call a man without arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?

Claude!

What do you call a race where all the runners have no legs?

An arms race.

What has four legs but isn't alive?

The son says,"Nice try dad, a chair!" "Not this time son, our dog is dead"

What is brown and gray has eight legs and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk?

A Chihuahua on vacation with an elephant.

What do you call a person who is missing his left eye, left ear, left arm and left leg?

Alright.

What kind of mouse walks on two legs?

Mickey Mouse Q: What kind of duck walks on two legs A: They all do!

Why have sumo wrestlers began shaving their legs?

They were getting tired of being mistaken for feminists

Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?

Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over!

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

Bob

Why did the dinosaur walk on two legs?

To give the ants a chance.

What has six legs two arms four eyes and a tail?

A man holding an aardvark.

What has two heads and six legs?

Nirvana

What has eight legs and an IQ of forty?

Four guys watching a baseball game.

Whats better than winning a medal at the paralympics?

A pair of legs.

Why do milking stools only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder

What do you call a spider with no legs?

A raisin

What do you call a witch with one leg?

Eileen.

Why do moths fly with their legs apart?

Have you ever seen the size of moth balls

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a lake?

Bob

What do you call 1000 soldiers with no legs?

An army.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?

Matt

Why did the duck stick his leg into a computer?

He wanted to have webbed feet.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in water?

Bob

What has two heads, four eyes, six legs, and a tail?

A horse and rider.

What has four legs and is made out of wood?

A horse.

What has four legs and see just as well from either end?

A horse with his eyes closed!

What do you call a cookie without legs?

A cookie

What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eye patch?

Names.

What has four legs but doesn't move?

A statue of a dog!

What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?

Amputee

What do you call a cow that's missing a leg?

A 3 legged cow

What has four legs and goes meow?

A crocodile. -You won!

How do you walk a dog with no legs?

You don't, you pick it up.

What's got six legs and can fly long distances?

Three swallows!

What does a leg do when it gets exasperated?

It thighs.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who likes to go swimming?

Bob.

Why did the dog say he was an actor?

His leg was in a cast.

What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?

One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.

What has no eyes and four legs?

No idea.

What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?

Bob.

What do you call a pirate with two legs, two arms and two eyes?

Noob.

What has four legs but can't walk?

A chair.

What's better than winning the Paralympics?

Having legs!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leafs?

Russel

Why did the woman turn to her husband and say "now who the hell would dump such a nice sofa out here in the woods?

She was looking at a bear and thought it was a sofa due to the four legs.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

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Morning Jokes More Morning Jokes

What do you call a German barber?

Herr Kutz (This was funnier when I was half asleep this morning)

What shape is your hair in the morning?

A wrecktangle. (Made up by my 10 year old daughter

Trap Jokes More Trap Jokes

What does a cat say when its trapped in a box?

Let MEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWt

Why couldn't they find the cheesemaker after the accident?

He was trapped under da-Brie!

Student Jokes More Student Jokes

Why do we have a Thanksgiving holiday?

Student: "So we know when to start Christmas shopping!"

Why did the student fail his physics test?

He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

Elephant Jokes More Elephant Jokes

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in strawberry patches.

What happened when the joker dropped an elephant carrying a ten ton weight on Batman and Robin?

They became flatman and ribbon. has left the building.

Evening Jokes More Evening Jokes

What did Dr. Frankenstein say when his monster showed up for the ball?

You look quite put-together this evening.

What is the cat's favourite TV show?

The evening mews!

2 Leg Jokes More 2 Leg Jokes

What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a cat.

What do you call cows with 2 legs?

Lean beef. bonus: What do you call cows with no legs Ground beef.

Lean Beef Jokes More Lean Beef Jokes

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with only legs on one side?

Lean Beef.

4 Leg Jokes More 4 Leg Jokes

What has 4 legs and an arm?

A happy pit bull.

What has 4 legs and isn't alive?

It's a chair dad... Why are you bothering me with this! No Jimmy, it's your dog...