Scottish Man Jokes

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

Because their sheep can hear zippers.

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Why do Scottish men wear kilts instead of jeans?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What does the Scottish man say after love making?

I love ewe!

What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear?

He kilt himself

What do you call a Scottish man with no arms and no legs?

A bell.

How can you tell what clan a Scottish man is from?

Look under his kilt and if he has a quarter pounder then he is a McDonald.

Why did they bury the Scottish man on the West side of the hill?

Because he was dead

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Scottish Jokes More Scottish Jokes

What's the difference between a Scottish guy and Mick Jagger?

One says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

What do you call the Scottish dentist?

Phil McCavity!

Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

How much does it cost to buy multiple prosthetic limbs?

An arm and a leg.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

I dont know, hes still trying to kick it open.

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why are you wearing masks?

There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one's gonna mistake a different turtle for you.

What is Mike Tyson's favorite thing for a woman to wear?

Thort thorts.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What is the best part about showering with a 14 year old girl?

If you slick her hair back just right, she looks nine!

What do walruses and tupperware have in common?

They're both looking for a tight seal.

Clan Jokes More Clan Jokes

What's Imperial Britain's favorite game?

Clash of Clans

What do you do if attacked by a clan of clowns?

Go for the juggler

Quarter Pounder Jokes More Quarter Pounder Jokes

What Do You Call an Ethiopian with A Piece of Lettuce on His Head?

A Quarter Pounder.

What do you call a man with a fetish for US currency who works on a dairy farm?

A quarter-pounder with cheese.

Bury Jokes More Bury Jokes

Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn!

Why are Lawyers buried forty feet deep when they die?

Because deep down they're really nice people.

West Jokes More West Jokes

Why did they bury the Scottish man on the West side of the hill?

Because he was dead

How do you get two whales in a car?

Start in England and drive West.