Scottish Man Jokes

Why do Scottish men wear kilts instead of jeans?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

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What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear?

He kilt himself

How can you tell what clan a Scottish man is from?

Look under his kilt and if he has a quarter pounder then he is a McDonald.

Why did they bury the Scottish man on the West side of the hill?

Because he was dead

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Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

Who's there! Butch! Butch who?

Butch your arms around me!

How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?

Wave at him

Ewe Jokes More Ewe Jokes

What's the difference between a Scotsman and The Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud.. ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What happened when Helium told a joke?

There was no reaction

How about the No Bucket Challenge?

Basically you just give a charity some money and don't tell anyone about it.

Clan Jokes More Clan Jokes

What do you call a clan for chickens?

Coo clucks clan

What's Imperial Britain's favorite game?

Clash of Clans

Hill Jokes More Hill Jokes

What did Harry Potter say when he fell down the hill?

Ouch! I Hermione!

What is more funny than a penguin sliding down a hill?

The penguin who pushed him!

Pant Jokes More Pant Jokes

What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?

He heard the snow-blower was coming.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

Why did the man with an electric car think he had a dual exhaust?

He drank a lot of beer. He ate a lot of beans. *You love it.*

Who sings "Love me tender" and makes Christmas toys?

Santa's little Elvis.

West Jokes More West Jokes

What feels good in the west but feels cotton in the East?

Happi-ness

How Swift is Kanye?

About as West as Taylor