How are you doing this morning?

Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you

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Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

Where do you find a dog with no arms or legs?

Right where ya left him.

How did the turtle with no arms and no legs cross the freeway?

Here's a hint: take the F out of Free and take the F out of Way

Coffee Jokes More Coffee Jokes

What do you call mixing hard liquor into coffee?

Getting ready for work

How do you make a latte?

Add $5 to a cup of coffee.

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

Where do criminal spiders hang out?

The deep web

Why should you not let your kids go to Korean Discos?

Because you don't want them hanging around Parks at night.

Finish Jokes More Finish Jokes

Why can't blondes finish software updates?

They can never find the "any" key.

When a dirty kid has finished taking a bath what is still dirty?

The bathtub.

Morning Jokes More Morning Jokes

What do you call a corn farmer who wakes up one morning to find that complex branching pathways have been cut into his field?

Amaized.

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the evening and 6 legs at night?

I've trapped it in my bedroom, send help...

Tie Jokes More Tie Jokes

What did tie say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I'll hang around.

How about some snappy one-liners?

Ironically, the only way you could get me to watch 50 shades of gray is if you tied me up and forced me to watch it.

Iv Jokes More Iv Jokes

Why do I always sit in the back of an airplane?

Cos iv never heard of an airplane reverse into a mountain... ill help myself out...

Where Did it go?

Where did that list of dark jokes posted this morning go? Iv looked everywhere.

Fine Jokes More Fine Jokes

Why is the second traffic citation always easier to read?

Because it's re-fined!

Why was the lion-tamer fined?

He parked on a yellow lion!