Tie Jokes

What do you get if you tie two camels together by the tails?

A palindromedary.

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What did the hat say to the tie?

You hang around. I'll go on a head.

What's a Southeastern Asian business professional's favorite food?

Tie food

How do you stop an elephant going through the eye of a needle?

By tying a knot on its tail.

What do you call it when you tie a brick to a jar of Miracle Whip and throw it into the ocean?

Sink-o de Mayo

What is the main material used in the manufacture of TIE fighters?

TIE tanium

What did tie say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I'll hang around.

How do you tie two half ducks together?

With ducktape!!

What did the shoelace say when I tried to tie it?

Uh, like, can you knot?

What did Katy Perry steal from Dr. Frankenstein's closet?

The Tie of the Igor.

What do you call an Aztec Mayan snake god tied in a knot?

Pretzalcoatl

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How do you always keep your shoes tied?

Replace the laces with earphones.

What did one strand of yarn say to the other?

I'm not ready to dye, I still have a few ends to tie up. "Ball up..."

How did the alien tie his shoes?

With an astroknot.

What's a sailor's favorite kind of knot?

It's a tie.

Why didn't the Duke of Windsor let his French servant help him tie his tie?

He never does it with a four-in (foreign)-hand.

Why couldn't the hippie reach his tie dyed T-shirt?

Because it was Far Out!

Why do countries "cut ties" when things get tense?

So weird having men walk around in suits and half ties.

What kind of tie is best to wear in a fight?

Muay Thai

Where do Tie Fighters sit in church?

In the *pew*.

What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?

A boo-tie.

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What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor?

You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.

What do you do with the time saved?

Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what

What was the deal with that dude wearing a tie and an apron at brunch?

He kept writing down everything we said, he gave me the crepes.

Who won the race between two balls of string?

They we're tied!

What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

What do they do with rope in space?

Tie Astro-knots.

What did the tie say to the neck?

I think I'll just hang around.

How do they tie things down on the space station?

They use astro knots.

What do you call an actor from Alabama that is forced by contract to play a certain character in a production?

Role tied.

What type of knot do you tie in space?

An astronaut.

What kind of tie does a pig wear?

Pig's tie!

Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?

It ended in a tie.

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Country Jokes More Country Jokes

What's the biggest type of tree?

A Country.

What country is the most fragile?

China!

Hat Jokes More Hat Jokes

What's the difference between a magician and a psychologist?

A magician makes rabbits appear in hats, while a psychologist makes habits appear in rats.

What did the man in the wheelchair say when he returned the hat he borrowed?

Thanks for the handy cap.

Camel Jokes More Camel Jokes

What do you call a camel with 3 humps?

Humphrey. (I was told this joke by an actual dad, it was his response to one of my jokes)

Why did the milk cow want the role of the camel in the nativity play so badly?

She thought she was a dromedary.

Pig Jokes More Pig Jokes

What do you call a pig that votes?

Polled pork.

What does a pig write with?

A pig pen!

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What's the difference between a tease, a love, and a lust?

Spit, swallow, gargle.

What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What's worse than finding half a worm in an apple?

Finding a vein in a hot dog.

Which country's currency weighs as much as it's worth?

Australia. Because five $0.20 coins are about half a pound.

Manufacture Jokes More Manufacture Jokes

Why do airplanes manufactured in Spain have windshield wipers on the inside?

Because the rain in Spain falls mostly in the plain.

When did the Gorillas start to picket the cookie factory?

The day they started to manufacture animal crackers!

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

Why do cows need four legs to walk?

Because they lactose. Moo

What do you get if you walk under a cow?

A pat on the head.