Morning Jokes

A barbie queue (BBQ)! Also, I made a quick sketch on my iPad. I found the genesis to this joke as a text note in my Evernote this morning, after what seemed like a night of free flow beers. Feel free to downvote me to oblivion.

What did the fire say the morning of his birthday?

I'm stoked!

Why do bakers start working so early in the morning?

Because they knead dough.

Why don't men want to go down on a woman first thing in the morning?

Have you ever tried to peel apart a grilled cheese?

What's one thing a man doesn't want to hear the morning after?

Yes, I'm completely sure.

What does a blonde do first thing in the morning?

She goes home

Why are birds always sad in the morning?

Their bills are over dew

What shape is your hair in the morning?

A wrecktangle. (Made up by my 10 year old daughter

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What is worse than getting a wrong call at 3 AM in the morning?

Getting a right call.

How does a blond like her eggs in the morning?

Fertilized

What's the first thing a Navy wife does when she wakes up in the morning?

She puts her clothes back on and goes home.

How often do Chinese people have elections?

When they wake up every morning.

Why does Bane and a monk get along well in the morning?

Because the friar rises!

What's the difference between a guitar and an elevator?

I didn't expose myself inside a guitar this morning.

What's the second hardest thing in the morning?

Getting out of the bed!

Why does it take Sarah Palin so long to get ready in the morning?

Because she has two faces.

What time do you get up in the morning?

About an hour and a half after I arrived at school

When last did you get lit?

Me: This morning. It was really sunny so I was well illuminated.

What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?

Boss: I don't know. Guy: I'm not coming in this morning!

Why do crows do vocal exercises every morning?

For the Good of the Caws.

Why do women have trouble peeing in the morning?

You ever tried to open a grilled cheese sandwich

Why don't Deputy Fire Marshals look out the window in the morning?

So they have something to do in the afternoon.

What has 4 legs in the morning, two at lunch, and three in the evening?

A cannibal

What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?

An alarm cluck!

What would be different if men got pregnant?

Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay and morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.

Who knocks on doors at three in the morning?

It's so inconsiderate! Good thing I was still up playing my bagpipes.

When the hell did you grow a beard?

Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.

Why did Richard leave his home this morning?

For Harambe.

How do fallopian tubes like there eggs in the morning?

Ovary-sy

How does a blonde turn the lights on in the morning?

She opens the car door.

What do you call a smoothie that came out too thick?

A chunky. Credit to my dad this morning..

Why does a farmer look out of his window in the morning?

Because he can't see through the wall.

How does a New York University psychology major turn on his lights in the morning?

By opening the car door.

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the evening and 6 legs at night?

I've trapped it in my bedroom, send help...

Why didn't you stop when I shouted at you back there?

Motorist: I thought you were saying "Good morning Mr. Mayor." Cop: Right. I wanted to warn you about going too fast through the next town.

Why doesn't anyone in insert nations capital use the toilet in the morning?

So they have something to do at night.

What did the dead blues musician sing?

Didn't wake up this morning...

Who could that be?

It's 2:00 in the morning. Her: I don't know. Do burglars knock Me: It depends on how they were raised...

What do hamburger workers say on Monday morning?

Well it's back to the old grind!

Why do you look out the window in the morning?

Because you can't see through walls, and you can't see anything at night anyway.

What has four limbs in the morning, two limbs in the afternoon, and is dead by evening?

A disobedient slave.

What's the difference between work and your daughter?

I'm not coming into work this morning!

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?

Walks home.

Who's there! Alison! Alison who?

Alison to my radio in the mornings!

What is your favorite type of wood?

Mine is morning.

What time does an engineer set his alarm clock for?

Around Thevenin the morning

What's white in the morning, white in the afternoon and white in the evening?

An Irishman trying to get a tan.

What do you call a corn farmer who wakes up one morning to find that complex branching pathways have been cut into his field?

Amaized.

Why can't you sniff out Easter Eggs?

In a tone like you have no idea) "No bunny nose" -Made up this morning in bed to a very dissatisfied girlfriend

Why do people who live near Niagara Falls have flat foreheads?

Because every morning they wake up thinking "What *is* that noise Oh, right, *of course*!"

What's the difference between this morning and your wife?

I'm not coming in *this morning*

What did the Hebrew's call it when they stopped receiving mana every morning?

Mana-pause

What does a gang member do when he arrives at work first thing in the morning?

He Glocks in

What do you call it when you spill your morning drive-through beverage on your virus scan software?

Getting McCafe on McAfee

How are you able to stay in bed all morning without getting up to pee?

He replied......It's hard

What do cannibals like to drink in the morning?

A cup of Joe.

What do you call Washington State after a long rain storm?

Washed a Ton State. I woke up with that joke in my head this morning. My brain is weird. Had to share it with someone.

Why are cats longer in the evening than they are in the morning?

Because they're let out in the evening and taking in in the morning!

What's the scariest thing to wake up to in the morning?

Another day.

Why don't you chat with us in the kitchenette in the morning?

Me: Because I'm not paid to be your friend & you say kitchenette.

Who's there! Ben! Ben who?

Ben knocking on this door all morning!

What would the blind man say every morning when he walked past the fish market?

Good morning, ladies!

What do cats read in the morning?

Mewspapers!

When did she die?

My guess would be sometime this morning.

What losses its head in the morning and gets it back in the evening?

A pillow

Why does a girls rub her eyes in the morning?

A. Because they don't have balls to itch.

What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?

"I didn't wake up this morning..."

What did the cow say to the paintbrush?

Moo. As told by my kid this morning.

What has everyone been using to get ice of their cars in the morning?

I've been using a discount card, but I can only ever get 20% off

I dropped a pear in my car this morning.

You should drop another one, then you would have a pair.

The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.

Thank you very much, sir.

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