How do I stay in shape?

I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it

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Day Jokes More Day Jokes

Why are bats blind?

Well your eyesight wouldn't be too good if you hung upside down all day would it

When do Arabs return their library books?

The day they're Dubai.

House Jokes More House Jokes

What do you call a fissure in the earth that houses old Russian rulers who like to mock others ironically?

Tsar-Chasm

What does a fire, flood, earthquake, tornado, hurricane, and a wife have in common?

Sooner or later, one of them is probably going to get your house.

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

What day do soldiers hate the most?

March Fourth

Why is there all this hate against necromancers?

They are just trying to raise a family in peace.

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

Which villains steal soap from the bath?

Robber ducks.

What did the oyster say to the fish who stole it's shell?

Stop being shellfish!" *drops microphone, walks away*

Shape Jokes More Shape Jokes

What did the cow say when she saw the Dalmatian?

Dam... I got to get in shape!

How many square feet are in the average NYC apartment?

Zero. Feet are feet shaped.

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

Why does the bad guy always have to know some form of martial art?

Why cant they just throw stuff while screaming "stay away from me!"

What's the deal with the Z Fighters?

They aren't fighting to stay awake!

Chase Jokes More Chase Jokes

What time is it when five dogs are chasing a cat down the street?

Five after one.

Why do dogs chase their tails?

They want to make ends meet.

Ostrich Jokes More Ostrich Jokes

What do you call the offspring of Rick Ross and an Ostrich?

RickRosstrich.

How do I stay in shape?

I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it