How do I stay in shape?

I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it

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Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What time of day is the saddest?

The mourning.

Why is Thanksgiving such a special holiday at the gas station?

It is a day to be tankful.

House Jokes More House Jokes

What kind of house is easiest to pick up?

A light house.

What room is missing from almost every house?

A Mushroom

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

Why does everyone hate me?

I texted with the clicky keyboard sound turned on.

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

What do you call a reckless thief who only steals cooking utensils?

A whisk taker.

What do you call a dog with no legs and balls of steal?

Sparkie.

Shape Jokes More Shape Jokes

What do you call a shape that's always worried?

A paranoid.

How many square feet are in the average NYC apartment?

Zero. Feet are feet shaped.

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

Whats the difference between the English cricket team and a teabag?

A teabag stays in the cup longer

How do Catholic Church priests stay healthy?

They exorcise.

Chase Jokes More Chase Jokes

Why did the chip chase the sauce?

To ketchup Edit: I'm sorry

What is a baseball dog?

One that chases fowls.

Ostrich Jokes More Ostrich Jokes

How do I stay in shape?

I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it

What do you call the offspring of Rick Ross and an Ostrich?

RickRosstrich.