What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on?

Do the math! Me: Seriously! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow

If you answered "I don't know." I would like to tell you that I spent all day cleaning that mess up.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why didn't the mobsters car parts fit?

They all fell off a truck.

What happened when porky pig fell asleep at his construction job?

The foreman fired him, saying, 'We can't have bored boars boring boards.'

Meet Jokes More Meet Jokes

How do tectonic plates have fun?

They meet up and crack each other up.

What is a proper greeting when you're introduced to Christina Hendricks?

Nice to meet you both.

Tomorrow Jokes More Tomorrow Jokes

How is it May already?

Day coming up tomorrow where people who don't know how calendars work tweet.

How do we know that Jesus was made of bread?

Because yeasterday he died and tomorrow he will have risen.

Week Jokes More Week Jokes

Why was the virgins' wedding during the middle of the week?

Because Wednesday is hump day.

What is the capital of the United States?

Half of what it was last week

Lead Jokes More Lead Jokes

How do you lead a horse to water?

With carrots

What do you get if you cross a dog with a kangaroo?

A dog that has somewhere to put its own lead!

Math Jokes More Math Jokes

What insect is good at math?

An account-ant.

What u doing?

Math, it's due Friday" *I slowly crumple the paper and put it in my mouth* They'll never believe u