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What do you think Michael Hastings was working on before he died?

Slowing down his car....... shoutout to for this one.

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Slow Jokes More Slow Jokes

How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking??

Slow down and grab some lube!!

What did Keanu Reeves say to slow down his horse?

Whoa.

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

Why do Stasi officers make such good taxi drivers?

You get in the car and they already know your name and where you live.

Where can a hand refuel its car?

At a fist pump.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

How to make Holy Water Friend: Hey, how do you make Holy Water?

Me: Uhh...Let me think... Why Friend: You boil the hell out of it! Me: Get out.

What do Chinos say when you take them off?

This was incredibly clever when I first thought of it but then I did some research...the closest they get to being Italian is that George Clooney was a "pioneer" for them: Reading that makes me never want to wear them again.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

How do you turn an old dishwasher into a snowblower?

You give her a shovel and tell her to get to work.

How is working in I.T. like being a wizard?

You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

When you fall in love it burns and you die, right?

Yes, son. Love is terrible. "No Mom, I said LAVA." Oh. You maybe can survive that one.

Why are there fences around graveyards/cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in!

Shoutout Jokes More Shoutout Jokes

What's green, slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs finger (shoutout to Hesher)

What do you think Michael Hastings was working on before he died?

Slowing down his car....... shoutout to for this one.