Who are all these people Twitter wants me to follow?

Has the fail whale been stalking me. Help, stranger danger!

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why do Europeans hate American food?

Europeans don't want to die yet. Unlike Americans who don't wanna diet.

What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?

Turkey.

People Jokes More People Jokes

When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery?

Yep, people are just dying to get in there

What's the hardest part about being a Vegan who does Crossfit and owns a Rescue dog?

Deciding which to tell people first.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

What do you do at a red light?

Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."

What climate scientist does Disney follow on twitter?

The rogue one

Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

What do a washing machine and a one night stand have in common?

A washing machine doesn't follow you around for a week after you put a load in it..

What religion do Saudi Arabian cows follow?

Mooslim

Help Jokes More Help Jokes

What's white, digs holes in your garden and helps with headaches?

A paracetamole!

What did the dolphin say when three orcas swam by?

Whale, whale, whale, who do we have here? Please, this is a cry for help.

Stalk Jokes More Stalk Jokes

Why should you avoid people dressed as celery?

They could be stalking you!

What do you do in your free time?

I stalk. " "Really I go swimming and for long hikes" "I know.".